Homeless

On March 12th, Simon & Schuster announced they were closing Crimson Romance.

Crimson Romance, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, is/was my publisher. While Simon & Schuster still holds the contracts on Courtly Pleasures and Courtly Scandals (released one week after closing), they reverted the rights of my third book, Courtly Abandon (which was scheduled for release on 7/2/18), back to me. This affected the entire staff of Crimson Romance (who got the news about the same time I did) and hundreds of authors.

What does any of this mean?

Courtly Pleasures and Courtly Scandals are still available at this time in eBook. Courtly Pleasures was supposed to available in print on 3/12/18, but that has been delayed and I'm not even certain if they will continue to support the print on demand for this title. Pre-order for the print version of Courtly Scandals was available until this morning, but that was probably just a matter of S&S having not gotten around to canceling it (which kept my hopes up). I am certain Amazon will be sending out the email shortly to any who have reordered alerting them to the cancellation.

My plan was to continue promoting my books as if nothing had happened. My husband is dealing with the next steps because this has been very difficult for me to process. I'll keep writing and he'll deal with the legal issues (which is a gift to me because, right now, I just can't). It's messy and I hate it. I'm only writing about this here to answer, calmly, like a rational person, the questions that will come from my friends and family having their orders cancelled.

The worst part, for me, was that I'd started thinking of myself as on a safe path. I've used the analogy of a race in the past, so I'll continue here: I thought writing a book, learning the industry, promoting my product, etc... was the first race with publication at the finish line. I have said that I never felt like I'd won, but that I'd just started a new race. Well, this has shown me that I'm still in that first race and, from here, it doesn't look like there is an end, just more hurdles. I was in a straightaway and lulled into a false sense of security. My publisher suddenly being closed was a major wake up call and I'm still reeling.

The good news? I have readers, I have two books out that are selling, and I have a completed third book (the best of the three, imo). I'm ready to pitch to publishers again, but I'm a better position than before. I may not be a featured author signing at a convention, but I'll be there with a viable product, sales numbers, and a little more faith in myself. I did it once, I can do it again. And maybe next time around the covers will be set in the right century (I can dream, right?).

In the meantime, if you look up Courtly Scandals on Amazon, it does not have any matches and asks if you meant "courtly sandals" but does suggest Courtly Pleasures as an option. But if you select Courtly Pleasures, it doesn't suggest Courtly Scandals as book 2. You can see both books if you go to my Amazon author page. This wouldn't have happened if Crimson was still supporting my titles.

I wrote this blog for two reasons:
1. So it's all here in a nutshell and I don't have to explain it any more.
2. The purpose of my blog has always been to document my experiences and life lessons along the road to publication. When I signed with Crimson, I decided to keep up that aspect of myself. Publication is just another part of that journey and, if you're a writer trying to figure all this out, my little babbling anecdotes might help you feel less alone in this mess. I started querying with the expectation that my book was the BEST BOOK EVER and I'd be the exception to the long haul of rejections I'd heard so much about. Well, I wasn't. I'm not. I just keep trying. I'm a better writer because of the rejections. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I'm not dead yet.

Accepting the Changing (already changed, actually, years ago) Publishing Industry

Today's blog was inspired by the Debut Author's page of the monthly RWR magazine. I've been watching it for years and, though I haven't compiled the data into a cool pie chart or anything (I should, but I'll bet RWA have this information already) it looks like the larger percentage of debut authors publish independently and the very few that have publishers are with a small, boutique press. This confirmed what I already knew, that not only did e-readers change the publishing industry, they changed publishing houses need to risk investing in untried writers.

This is not new news.

That said, I've had a hard time adapting my own expectations of the road to publication. I started out with my query letters to agents and the few big names that accepted unagented submissions. I pictured my novels on the shelves at Barnes and Noble. I'm not a total dinosaur, so most of my queries were sent via e-mail, but when I first started some agents still required hard copies. This was ten(ish) years ago.

Now, when it comes to the querying, most agents and publishers have an online submission process. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Convenience aside, it is symbolic of their hands-off approach to new submissions. It's probably much easier to dismiss a file than pile of pages that was carefully prepared to specifications.

I've really struggled with the fact that the big publishers do not accept debut authors. It seems like the industry expects and WANTS authors to self publish first.This really messed with my long term plan and it's taken me awhile to come to grips with the change. I hate it, but have to get over myself and work within these parameters.

Besides, the change makes sense. It's like that job at McDonald's that you had during high school so you could show work experience as you interviewed your way up the employment ladder. An example from the genre would be the well loved trope of the reformed rogue who's been around the block and knows what to do in bed. You rarely see a virginal hero in romance and, I guess, publishers don't want a virgin author either. Self published authors have sales numbers, reviews, a readership waiting so when the publisher picks them up, they're a sure thing. It cuts down on the risk of investing in a newbie.

I have pitched to a few boutique publishers that are simply a label away from being self-published. They'll provide you with editing and a cover, but you do all the marketing. It may be worth it to some rather than pay the roughly $500 it will cost for professional editing and an okay cover, but to me, the only good thing about self publishing is lost in this deal--autonomy.

My biggest hurdle in choosing the self-pub route (and I still haven't committed to it) is that I really need the validation that acceptance by an agent/publisher provides. There are so, so, so many poor quality books and I'm afraid to join their ranks. If my books are not good enough for a publisher to stand behind, they're not ready for publication.

The good news (for authors like me) is that most of the major publishers have smaller, niche imprints that publish in e-only. This removes the risk of investing in a print run, but still offers the professional editing/cover/marketing services of a major publisher. This route won't put me in a brick and mortar book store, but it's a step in the right direction and will save me from myself and the possibility of putting a low-quality book out there with my name on it.

Of course, I am warming up to self publishing. I'm really almost there. It's only taken a bunch of near misses to make me feel my books might be good enough combined with hundreds of flat out rejections that have made me tired of playing the game. I'm even at that point where I waste time looking up book cover art.

I am currently waiting on a yea or nay from another interested party. I'm not optimistic, but must have some hope or I'd be more invested in the steps toward self-publishing. I am getting myself ready for that eventuality because pitching has become something like banging my head against a wall and, really, I should be writing.

I will finish up this post by telling you that accepting self-publishing as a viable option has really freed my writing. I'm not writing to anyone's formula. I can tell an authentic story without bending it to meet genre norms ( I wrote a virgin hero and I'm not worried about it).

If you are interested, here is a link to data compiled for RWA 2016 showing trends in sales. It may just be my translation, but the data really promotes self-publishing.  

Back on the Horse

I am the biggest obstacle to my writing. There are those moments when I could believe in muses gifting me with a story. Then there are those moments (many, many moments over the past year) where my writing is forced with the hope that if I write something, the right thing will happen. The result usually involves many mindless Facebook games, deleted pages, or the urge to nap.

When I have experienced writer's block in the past it's always because I wasn't writing the correct thing. Something was critically wrong with my story and I couldn't work forward until it was fixed. This past year has been different. I think I stopped trusting myself and my vision. Rejection took its toll and I think, on a subconscious level, I no longer believed that the right story lay within me. I lost the joy of writing for writing's sake and could only see my failures.

My critique partner would ask me about this every time she saw me. I didn't see what was happening because I was still writing, sort of. Hardly producing, but I would open the file and change it enough to have to save at the end. She saw me flailing and wanted to help, but I didn't see it. She asked if I was done with writing. I said no, but I wondered.

So, here it is. I am not done with writing. What I am done with (until I freak out again, there's a full moon, menstruation, out of ice cream, whatever) is writing with the goal of getting an agent/editor's attention. I'm writing for me. I'm writing what will make me smile, cry, or surprise my husband with unsolicited physical affection. I will write because it makes me feel like I'm fulfilling my potential.

And if an agent/editor ends up liking it, bully for me. If not... well, eventually sometime something I write will be the right thing for the industry and then I'll have a whole backlog of completed manuscripts for my future readers.

In honor of my wake up call, my next post will include the beginning pages from a work in progress than I'm disinterring and going to finish (if it kills me, goshdarnit). So stay tuned.

The video linked below is twenty minutes but worth your time. I have thought back on it many times over the years, especially when I don't feel the creative genius percolating and try to force it. It helps me to realize I can't control everything (serenity prayer anyone?) and the stories that need to be told will be told.

Death by a Thousand Cuts

This is Sam Elliot. It was actually the 'mustache rides" t-shirt that made this win over all the other images that came up under my "crazy mustache biker dude" search.

This is what I must have looked like today at Princess Nails when I had my brow waxed and my insanely huge mustache threaded. I'd noticed a few hairs that were darker than blonde and though I should take care of it before I go downhill fast. I can't just wax my lip thanks to the cold sores I get whenever that space is abused. Hence, threading. Holy Mary, Mother of God. I left with tears streaming down my face, trying to smile as I paid for this torture.

Why subject myself to this? Well, I'm going to a writing conference.

What does my mustache have to do with writing? This is the big question. The real answer? Nothing. However, in an effort to look like a well-groomed, confident, competent, not-crazy person, I put a lot of time into getting into my writerly character. This involves shaving my legs regularly, not just the day I need it, so that my skin looks healthy, nourished, and isn't covered in red bumps. It also involves reacquainting myself with my flat-iron and make-up bag. It means a more regular skin regime, not just using a daily moisturizer with spf30. Why? Because most people put more effort into their appearance than I do on a daily basis and, during a conference, I have to fake it in such a way that it seems natural. It's akin to Renee Zellweger putting on weight and taking on a job at a British publishing company to prepare for Bridget Jones's Diary (only much less cool.) I pretend to be socially acceptable and hope it sticks for the duration of the conference.

The amount of which I simply do not care about how I look would astound most people. This is offset by occasional bouts of caring, but not enough to actually do anything on a regular basis. At conferences I plan to promote myself like a high priced whore (without the sex). It's what I always do. Usually I'm sort of hyped about the process, ready to conquer the world, and the Stanislavskian character development/method acting begins a good month in advance.

Not so this time. I leave tomorrow for Los Angeles and I just gave in to the self-inflicted pressure and took one small step towards my packaging (losing the mustache I didn't even know I had). I made the monetary investment and allowances for time away from my family a while ago, but I haven't committed to my pre-conference prep. Why? I don't seem to care. Yeah-- I know, it's dumb. I mean, I care like crazy about getting published but, lately, when I think about pitching, I just get tired. I don't know if can be that go-getter who is serious about her career (I am very serious, btw), smiling at strangers and trying to network. I think the problem is that there is only so much abuse a person's ego can take. How many times do I get told the industry doesn't want my manuscripts before I start to believe it? I might be there already. I'm pitching my finished work this time, but I've stopped seeing them as viable and count only on my works in progress when I think about the possibility of that first deal. I've lost steam.

This could be a good thing. I mean the high-on-life social butterfly I force myself to be at these things hasn't worked. It's possible I come off as on crack (not the first time I've heard that) and am off-putting. Maybe, the new, relaxed conference version of me will be more appealing. Heck, maybe I should just go for hard-to-get and make myself a challenge. If you can spark MY interest, you might get to represent my three historical romance novels, two supernatural romantic suspense novels, and possibly my contemporary romances (if you're lucky). I'll be aloof and mysterious. Come and get me.

Yeah, I don't have high hopes for that either.  So, as it stands, I will probably doll up (professional with personal touches that speak to artistry) and pretend to be gregarious then sleep hard for a week. We shall see.

If you see me at the California Dreamin' Conference, please say hello. I'm friendly even if I'm not naturally outgoing. Or, maybe I will be on crack and say hello to you first. Who know's? It's a mystery.

Kryptonite

I can spew one hundred thousand words, but summing it all up in two hundred and fifty is horrible. Seriously, fork in the forehead horrible.

Queries are my kryptonite. Not only are they not good, but I suffer a complete psychological shut down when I even start to think about them. When I force myself to write one, I can't even remember what my story is about. I start babbling and think of alternative things I could have written that would be great in m query. It's bad.

Writing a synopsis is not as bad, but it's not fun either. I took a great class this past summer at RWA13 in Georgia which really broke it down. In fact, when I had to write a synopsis for Golden Heart, it flowed from my finger tips. Of course, some really horrible grammar mistakes also flowed (and remained unnoticed by both myself and my husband). Still, it's the best synopsis I've written (now that, too late, I've fixed it).

I see these online classes about how to write a query. I read Query Shark and nod in agreement at the sage comments therein... but when I try to apply it, I freeze.

Do you have any tricks to writing a query?

Resubmitting... Maybe? Advice Needed.

Every single project I have completed has ended up with me hacking the first two to three chapters off it. Why? Because I'm the queen of slow starts and back story. I can't seem to help myself. It's sad really.

When I chopped the first two chapters off of Karma, it wasn't enough. It still was too slow. I edited the bejeebers out of it, getting to the action ASAP. It wasn't until months later and a slew of non-responsive agents that I actually reread it with fresh eyes and realized I'd cut the soul out of the story.

One rejection said the story lacked balance. I didn't know what the agent meant until I read it again. Boom, there's action. It's hot, it's creepy... but it doesn't pull you into the story because there is no hint at who the characters are. It was painful to realize, but easier to fix than I'd hoped.

The question is should I resubmit? If the agents who gave me no responses read at all, it was only the first thirty pages. The rest of the book unfolded organically and, I'm happy to say, I'm still really proud of my work. They requested it int he first place, so they saw something in it. The lack of a "no thank you" isn't a de facto rejection, so it wouldn't necessarily be pushy or unprofessional of me to try again. Would it? I have no idea. I don't want to come across as too desperate -- but if the shoe fits...

Help me out, people. Your expert advice is appreciated.

Agent and Editor Research

Romance Writers of America's national conference is sneaking up on us. They have released the names of agents and editors who will be there and available for pitches. The list is in a handy little table, so I can check for those who represent both historical and paranormal romance. Really, I intend to focus on the ones I have not pitched to yet, so these ones are the unknown. This means research.

As I work my way through the list from Ahearn to Yost, let me mention that I really appreciate agent websites that include details about their client list. I can see what sort of product, at a glance, they represent. Yes, the table RWA provided has 'paranormal' checked, but if everything they have published is vampire series, chances are good I'm not within their scope.  Last year I had this trouble with inspirational agents. They didn't say anywhere that they were only for inspirational (Christian) books, but after looking up each author they had listed and reading about their books, I was able to draw that conclusion. I just wish I didn't have to spend so much time on each one before eliminating them as an option.

As a PRO member (a member that has completed at least one manuscript and gone through the process enough to get rejected) I am able to sign up for pitch sessions on 5/20 (tomorrow!) and this year I am aware that sign up starts at 9am central, not pacific. That was my bad last year. Oh well.

Along with signing up for pitch sessions, I'm using the information to create a stalking file. I go so far as to include pictures of my target agents, but I found last year that I relied much more on the name tags. It's worth it to know who the agents and agencies are and what they represent -- that way neither of us are wasting our time. I like to think that what I'm doing is not creepy and obsessive, but smart. Not weird at all. Okay, fine, last year there was one agent that had a bio mentioning something about riding bikes in Manhattan and I theorized about how I could hook her up with my brother (who also rides his bike in Manhattan -- relationships have been based on less), but I never actually did it.

This year I'll be armed with my one-sheets for four completed manuscripts. I want to be closer to done with my fifth, but even if I take up cocaine or something in order to cram it out, it wouldn't be clean and ready by mid-July. And I'd have a drug problem. Not worth it.

On that note I'm going to refill my coffee and get back to compiling my list. Cheers.

Side note: Don't Google for "Georgia peach" images if your kids are nearby. Just sayin'.

Time Went On as the Clock Does

I'm currently in a limbo status between my full time writer career (which I truly pursued this summer) and my full time teacher career. August 15th marks the start of my teacher year. That gives me two weeks to really indulge in my fuller than full time Mommy career. I am inspired both by my kid's enthusiasm for everything and by my sense of guilt for not being the uber-Mom I could be -- so crafts and parks and quality time, here I come! I don't know why the guilt is getting to me; they won't really notice my shortcomings until puberty and, by then, I could be perfect and it wouldn't matter anyway.

School starts on August 21st, both for me and my kids. We did some back to school shopping today and both girls are now reasonably comfortable in size 7, trousers are just a little long (which is fine). The big problem is that they recently moved into separate rooms, and the eldest girl is really stuck on a "mine" kick. Thing is, they're both the same size. Other than shoes, most clothes have been community property. The younger one doesn't really care, but the older makes up for that in spades. I don't think I've ever looked forward to the start of a new school year before.

This limbo status has left me feeling purposeless and tired. I think it's because of the agents actually WANTED to see my stuff and they've got it. Now I just have to be patient and await their responses. This, I think, has left me in a holding pattern of waiting for time to pass. It reminds me of when I was laid up with my broken foot and just laying there, healing. It's insane. I don't do patience well. The solution, of course, is to get engrossed in whatever I am doing -- but I can't seem to. The sword of Damocles is looming and eventually I will get the email that changes everything (or not).

So, what should I do? I should write. Karma has been neglected for too long and her story is just itching to get out. I just need to be in a positive enough mind frame to make that happen.

One Sheet Chaos

Seriously, do I not know what my book is about? I wrote it, for goodness sakes! It's about... ummm.

Good greif.

I plan to have pitch sheets/one sheets on all three courtly books, even though Courtly Pleasures (previously known as Courtly Love) is my under-the-bed book. I figure, at the very least, it will show what I have produced even if it's not sellable.

My trouble lay in paring it down to the key points. I think I'm too close; I see all the little details as very important, too. Not only that, but my key story elements have to be powerfully worded. They must grab you and make you read my book. That's a lot of pressure.

So, to alleviate the pressure, I decided to write this blog. You will get to share in my process of stripping my stories down to their bare bones - but I'm not trying for finesse, just to get words on the page.

Courtly Pleasures:
Frances, suffering from post-partum depression, feels numb. She joins Queen Elizabeth's court at Hampton Court Palace in effort to feel something again. There she undergoes a transformation, Cinderella style, which shocks the pants off her husband. Henry, a slave of duty, has been too busy and stupid to ever notice how lovely his wife was. His service to the crown has gained him enemies -- one of whom is a crazy Papist out for blood and obsessed with Frances. A frequently used plot device, the danger to his wife makes him realize how much he loves her.

Now, to pare that down...
Frances goes to court, rediscovers herself and learns to live rather than survive. Her new joie de vivre gets her husband's attention, and the attention of a killer.

Courtly Scandals:
Mary was told, on the heels of an attempted abortion, that she could never bear children. This means she is not wife material. Her only worth lay in her reputation, which she blows by becoming scandalous over the twelve days of Christmas at Queen Elizabeth's court. Sir Charles, a knight and member of the Queen's guard, believes nobility lies in merit, not title. he wants to save Mary from the court, but also from herself. Mary needs to forgive herself and come to terms with her past and her worth as a person, to realize she deserves happiness, before she can accept Sir Charles. Besides, what do Elizabethan midwives really know about conception and gestation?

Now, paring that down:
Mary has a fling with Charles and falls in love. The problem is she can never marry because she believes she cannot have children. On top of that, she makes herself notorious with scandal after scandal, so no longer has value as a reputable gentlewoman companion. She has to move on and accept that she's worthy of love.

Sigh, still too long.

Okay, so here's Courtly Abandon:
Slutty but lovable Jane has to remarry in order to escape the influence of her abusive father. She chooses a husband, one wealthy and titled enough to ensure she'll never have to see her father again. Love is irrelevant, until Percy shows up. Percy and Jane were childhood sweethearts before her first arranged marriage. He's never forgiven her for not running away with him, but hasn't stopped loving her. Percy is shocked at how worldly Jane has become, but Jane is striving to be even more courtly, a lady, in order to attract the titled husband. On the cusp of success with her viscount, Jane realizes love matters and grows a backbone. With the deus ex machina of Queen Elizabeth, she and Percy get married.

Short version:
Jane and Percy were childhood sweethearts. Four years and an arranged marriage later, Jane is a widow who needs to marry again to escape her father's influence. Percy mans up this time, but Jane has too much fear of her father to trust in love. Eventually she does. The end.

Man, I suck. This is a really pain in the petunia. One thing I have done is (dun, dun, DUN!) created headers. Here they are. Enjoy.

Each story is set in a season, so I went with that rather than cheesy Renaissance Faire images.

Anyway, if you actually took to the time to read all this, take another moment or two to help me finesse my blurbs. I'm flailing here and the RWA conference is in 21 days.

Figurative Loin Girding Has Commenced

Agent and editor appointment scheduling opens tomorrow for this summer’s RWA conference. Yes, I’m pinning all my hopes and dreams on the last week of July. I can’t pretend I’m not. As such, I’m making sure my ducks are all rowed up nicely and that my agent appointments counts. I feel like I'm preparing for battle. Soon I'll have my husband jump out from corners and surprise me with questions about my books. Training has begun.

The research is slow going. Some of the agencies have been easier for me to determine – I mean, if I’ve read many of their client’s books then I have a great basis of understanding who they represent and what they’re drawn to. On the flip side, if I’ve read many of their client’s books, then they’re probably in too high a league for me.

The slow part is with the agencies where none of the names are familiar. Yes, the box is checked that they represent historical romance – but they only have one client who writes historical and that is Regency and inspirational. But the box is checked, so does that mean they’re broadening their scope? I have no clue, but there are only so many appointments available, so I get the distinct joy of selecting, font, and strikethrough on my list.  Feels like an accomplishment, but it’s possible I’m just shooting myself in the foot.

Speaking of my foot, I returned to work on May 14^th. It’s been awkward, but I’m glad to be out and about again. Yes, I’m still wearing THE BOOT when out, but got the okay to wear a sneaker when at home. My tendon has completely reattached, but the two bones still show shadows of the fracture and should be babied. I don’t think I’ll be in snazzy shoes for the conference. It’s possible I will have a cane.

Tired and out of time, I wish all agency websites would include cover images with their client lists (Thank you, Bradford Agency). Yes, this is me being lazy, but I just spent twenty minutes clicking through a list of authors I’d never heard of, that did not have their genre listed, only to find out they were all inspirational. Just to make sure I wasn’t an idiot, I double checked all the “About Us” blurbs and found nothing specifying that they only did Christian. It’s not that my books are anti-Christian, but there’s a whole lot of sex so…. Yeah.

Okay, back to the grind. Let’s see what Cori Deyoe at 3 Seas (I’m sure I’ve queried them in the past - does this mean I shouldn't meet them face to face?) represents.

How Irish Dancing is Like Writing a Book

I started my eldest daughter, Lily, in Irish dancing two years ago. It was fun. She was a happy five year old with a short attention span but able to hear the beat. She currently knows the Reel, Light Jig, Single Jig, and Slip Jig -- all soft shoe.

A solo dress - something novice/prizewinners can wear.

In Irish you progress in levels through competition in a Feis (pronounced feh-sh or fay-sh depending who's talking). She started as pre-beginner in three dances and Beginner 1 in one dance. Next Feis she will compete in Beginner 1 in all four plus any additional dances she will learn (next comes hard shoe). Depending on her place, she may progress to Beginner 2 in any or all of the dances. Then comes Novice, Prizewinner, and then I lose track. She has to win at each dance in each level.  It is possible to be a Novice in the Reel and Light Jig but still a Beginner 2 in the Single Jig -- it all depends on the dancer ability (and the ability of the dancers she is competing against.)

With the progressions of  levels come the costumes. Currently she has to wear a simple school uniform, soft shoes, red bloomers, and Irish socks. When I bought the Irish socks, I chose not to buy the $12 sock glue. The saleswoman was horrified until I told her it was Lily's first Feis. Then it became acceptable so long as I knew it would be required later.

Really? Sock glue? Required? What did I sign up for? I thought my little girl was just going to hop around and be cute. NOPE. She is now registered among the other OCD Irishophiles (because you must be in order to actually enjoy all this) in America and that includes buy in to all the random little regulations. Apparently I drank the kool aid, but under the impression it was Crystal Light. Now I'm screwed.

If Lily continues to love this (which I support), I'm looking at years of competitions, costumes, travel/hotels, and random little expenses like bejeweled shoe buckles, under arm guard, hair pieces, and self tanner (sooooo many orange legged girls).

How is this like writing? It starts out innocent and sweet. You have a story to tell. You sit and type and eventually have a book. YAY FOR YOU! This is like Lily's dance classes. It was an investment of time and energy, but ultimately harmless and gave a feel good sense of accomplishment.

Then you decide to take your show on the road. Query letters seem so simple at first, but they're not. Each agent has their specific requirements. Different publishers require different word counts for your genre. AND that's if you wrote to genre specifications in the first place. If you didn't, you better get your but in gear and research, edit, and revise. Your gentle spirited book has become and aggressive machine competing against the millions of other submissions the agents and publishers get every day. Who knows what will make the difference, catch the attention and get you that big break. It would be foolish not to try everything. You should blog, tweet, participate in competitions, get your name out there and become a recognized member of the writing community. You are no longer a solitary writer pecking away at your keyboard. You are playing in the big leagues with heavy hitters. You can persevere and just keep plugging until you rise tier by tier, or you can choose to let it crush your spirit.

The St. Patrick's season is coming upon us. Lily is skilled enough to participate in some of the performances, and she will want to so I'll make it happen. I actually look forward to the crazy dress (because I can make it - I have the skills), but do not look forward to the scheduling, traveling, hotels, and necessity of sock glue.

Genre Rules

Courtly Abandon is just about finished. The main problem is that was written so disjointedly that the flow is off. As such, before I can finish the grand finale (where all the dialogue will be in blank verse with my main characters speaking in couplets), I need to go over it from the beginning and make sure it is consistent. I also have a good deal written by hand that I need to insert. Messy.

The good news is that I am pleased with my writing. Small changes here and there, but the beginning flows really well and jumps right into the story.

The bad news (kill me now) is that we don't meet the true love interest until page 22. The story is established with Jane and her objective (to marry her titled neighbor who we have met, but find more comical than desirable).  Then, KAPOW, she meets her first love, her best friend from childhood who told her he loved her the day before her arranged marriage to an older man. Percy was the one that got away. The one that duty, society, etc... said she could never have. Now she's in the same situation again (only older and a widow) and will realize the choice is truly hers, not her father's or social expectations. It always had been, she had just been too afraid to take a chance.

Personally, I like the bait and switch. Genre rules dictate differently though. This is my problem, apparently, in everything I write. I write within the rules, but with a good deal of interpretation. I consider this my own style. My sister uses this as the reason I should write historical fiction and not historical romance. If I don't like playing by the rules, I should pick another game. Valid point -- however I am within the bounds of the rules and love the optimism of the happily ever after that does not exist in historical fiction. The love story is the focal point of my story, not the sub-plot mystery, political intrigue, whatever. Boy meets girl, love, passion, conflict, resolution, happy ending. This is the romance genre norm.

And yet I am unpublished and unrepresented - therefore there is an issue.

Alright, enough of my freak out/pity party. Back to Jane and Percy. On page 22.

Christmas Cards and Query Letters

Four years ago I took a cutsie picture of my two daughters and had Costco print up 150 Christmas postcards. Only they weren't Christmas postcards, they were "Chrimstas" postcards. I did not send them out. Thus ended the responsible, well adjusted, adult-ish activity of sending Christmas cards to a lot of people who don't care anyway.

I still have those cards in a box somewhere. I should send them out whenever I find them again. The people who don't care won't even notice (the fact that it's no longer 2007, that my children are no longer toddlers, or the typo). The people who do care will know me well enough to find it all funny.

I bring this up because writing a blurb that encompasses all the positive things in your year but is short enough to fit on the back of a postcard is an art akin to query writing. An art I have not managed.

My current query for Courtly Scandals:

Dear (insert agent name here)

Blah blah blah....(detailed agent information, including references to the agencies current clients to show I chose them thoughtfully)... blah.

Courtly Scandals: Query

Mary has nothing to offer as a wife.  No family connections, no wealth, and worst of all, she can’t have children.  Mary knows this means she can never marry.  Her only respectable recourse is a life of service as a gentlewoman companion to a noble lady.  All she has to do is maintain a good reputation, remain unremarkable, and do as she is told.  She’s been following orders all her life; making it through the twelve nights of Christmas at Queen Elizabeth’s court without incident should not be difficult.

On the first night of Christmas Sir Charles and Mary connect based on honest attraction.  She is a breath of fresh air and he can’t get enough.  What starts out as a fling for both of them quickly becomes much more. His devotion is tested when Mary is accused of attempted murder. She asks him to help her clear her name and discover who really stabbed the Earl Oxford in her chamber.  Mary certainly had motive – the Earl of Oxford murdered accidentally killed Mary’s fiancé three years ago.  Charles trusts his heart and believes in Mary’s innocence.  Unfortunately there are added complications; Charles is the Earl’s half brother.

Together Mary and Charles investigate the attack.  With some unlikely help from high places, Mary finds herself above the public censure and moral outrage at her seemingly scandalous behavior.  Charles discovers what he really wants in life is not a career at Queen Elizabeth’s court, but a home and a family with Mary.  As much as Mary wants to be with him, she knows that a family is the one thing she can’t have.

In spite of scandal after scandal, misunderstanding, and danger, anything is possible during the twelve nights of Christmas.

Courtly Scandals is complete at 80,000  words.  This is my second completed novel.

I have not looked at my query for awhile now. I've been busy with my current projects and let the marketing of Courtly Scandals take a back burner. Now is the time to tackle it with some gusto. Perhaps moxy, or even hutspah.

Looking at my query with a fresh-ish eye, I can see it's awkward. You are even more objective than I. How should I fix it?

Page 99

Awhile back there was a blogfest about page 99 of your manuscript. The premise was that authors frequently put a lot of effort into the first few chapters then relax, perhaps too much. If an agent is hooked by reading page 99, it bodes well for the entire book. If you have the time and interest, you can participate in an online critique forum at  Page 99 Test.

Below is page 99 from my w.i.p. Courtly Abandon. It is the very end of chapter 9. Reading it out of context, does it hook you? Would you turn the page?

“Dearest Jane, I took advantage.” Sir William went down on one knee before her, taking her hands in his. “I pray you, forgive me.”

Jane squared her shoulders, wishing herself calm. “There is naught to forgive my lord.”

“My lord? Have I so truly overstepped myself?’ He pressed her hands against his cheek.

She knew he was totally in her control. Lust was a powerful motivator. She smiled shyly, willing herself to look innocent. “Oh, not at all Sir William. I am just,” Jane struggled for the word, “overwrought.”

“Of course you are. I am a rogue to take advantage.”

“Sir William, please stand up.”

He stood, but still held a ridiculously guilty expression. “You are quite right. I shall leave you here to compose yourself. We should not return to the hall together.”

Jane almost laughed at the intensity of his little drama, but instead gave a simpering smile and said, “You are too good to me.”

“You are deserving of the best.” He leaned in one more time and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. Did he think they were lovers now? 

He gave a quick reverence, kissed his fingers to her, and scurried out of the garden.

Jane stood still for a moment before allowing herself to breathe, relax. She found a bench and sat down, leaning her face in her hands. “Good God in Heaven.” She wanted to want him, but all she could think of was Percy.

As if summoned, a voice pierced through the darkness. “Did you enjoy kissing my brother?”

Goodnight, Sweet Prince (aka Courtly Pleasures)

I wipe away a brimming tear as I close the folder containing Courtly Pleasures one last time.  This, my first book, is destined to remain in the dark.  Beloved by few (me), a piece of my heart, never to see a bookshelf.

A year or so ago I was speaking with my brother who has had a story percolating in his brain for years.  He has been resistant to actually writing because he hates the idea that this story is going to be his worst book.  Why?  Because it is the book where he'll discover who he is as a writer.  Actually, he didn't say that last bit -- I did.  He's not nearly that introspective. 

Courtly Love, which became Courtly Pleasures, is my first book.  It's not a bad book, but my second book is much better.  Courtly Pleasures doesn't know where it belongs.  Is it romance?  Chick-lit? Historical fiction?  Yes, it is all three.  It's a journey of discovery, a lot of history, some hot sex, a lot of personal growth. All of it.  Character driven, but more focused on the female main character than on the male.  But it's not clearly a romance (when I was finishing the book, there was a point where I had to decide on whether or not she would get her happily-ever-after with the male lead, a genre requirement, or if she would be happy with herself and not have to rely on another person for her own happiness).  Plus, the protagonist deals with depression so it's a little bit of a downer at points.

While I still think it is a good book (better than many I've read and, I think, totally publishable) I can't pin my hopes on it.  I have to move on.  I will focus on Courtly Scandals, which has substance along with being  much more of a joyous romp.  This is the book that agents will respond to.  This is the one that will start the ball rolling. It has taken a major mental restructuring for me to stop seeing Courtly Scandals as a spin off from Courtly Pleasures, but I think it has to happen.

Courtly Pleasures is one for vaults, but it was not a waste of time.  It helped me learn that writing was what I was meant to do.  It helped me develop my style and my process.  I am a better writer for it. 

So, goodbye for now, Courtly Pleasures.  Some day I'll read you again and figure out where I went wrong and if you are salvageable.  I worry that if I rework you too much you will become a Frankenstein, so for now, rest in peace.

Worst Query Ever (just for fun)

This was inspired by listening to my brother-in-law playing Beatles Rock Band in the background while I was chatting with my sister in Switzerland via Skype. I had never thought about it before, but the song is really just a very bad query.

Paperback Writer by Lennon/McCartney

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book? You should really be specific in your query. Research the agent you plan to send to. If you don't care about me or my agency, it implies you don't understand our client base, preferences, or have the common decency to address us respectfully.
It took me years to write, will you take a look? You just told me that you are not prolific.
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear Copy-write infringement?
And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer, You sound desperate here
Paperback writer.

It's the dirty story of a dirty man Good, you're getting into the story. Try to be more specific. What's his name? What's dirty about him?
And his clinging wife doesn't understand. Doesn't understand what? What's her name? Why is she clingy? Why should we care?
The son is working for the Daily Mail, Again, his name? And is the story about the son or the dirty man? Who is the lead character?
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer, Is this autobiographical? Is it just about a man trying to get published? Where is the conflict? Why should I want to read this?
Paperback writer.

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few, You should really check with your genre word count guidelines.
I'll be writing more in a week or two. Please don't query a book that is not finished.
I can make it longer if you like the style, I don't think it needs to be any longer than it is, thank you.
I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer,That's nice that you are flexible
Paperback writer.

If you really like it you can have the rights, Well, yeah, that's what I do here -- why else would you be querying me?
It could make a million for you overnight. If I had a dime for every author that made this claim...
If you must return it, you can send it here You didn't include a SASE and I'm not paying for postage. Your freakin' book is over 1000 pages long!
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer, I hear that a lot.
Paperback writer.

6 weeks later the Paperback writer receives a rejection form letter on a snippet of paper.

Dear Paperback Writer,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately our agency is not currently accepting submissions of this kind. Thank you for considering us.
Yours, A. Gent

Famous Rejections

A friend sent me the link to Famous Rejections today. I laughed out loud at some of them. One thing these rejections have that mine do not is an implication that the agent/publisher has read the book. I think I would much rather be told "… I recommend that it be buried under a stone for a thousand years" as in the case of Lolita, than receive a two-inch strip of paper with a generic message.

Or, maybe I wouldn't.

Desperatetly Seeking a Hook

I'm having problems coming up with a hook.

My current query opening line is, "Frances Pierrepont is a real woman that women can relate to and gain hope from." Not exactly a big attention getter -- but it is honest. My query in progress opening is, "In an era where duty was everything, Frances Pierrepont, always an obedient daughter, wife, and mother, joins the glittering court of Queen Elizabeth and learns what it means to be a woman." This new attempt is thanks, in large part, to Alana Johnson.

I open up, for general discussion, a query hook brainstorms session. All of these are silly, but hey, silly might work.


Frances is a frumpy woman who gets a makeover and entrances half the court -- including her husband.


Frances doesn't like sex until she does.


Frances and Henry are examples of why teenagers shouldn't have sex.


Frances' depression turns into angry desperation, so she abandons her family, gets sexy-fied and ends up making out with her husband by accident.


Frances is the embodiment of a lot of my issues.


Frances' life is in danger because a psycho wants to hurt Henry by killing everything he loves.



An alternative title to Courtly Love is Doest Thou Liketh Pina Colada's?


Frances and her two friends go to Queen Elizabeth's court and wear great dresses. Of course, Frances will find love with her husband (because adultery books are against Romance genre rules) and her two friends will have spin offs. Woo-hoo!


Ya-Ya Sisterhood meets How Stella Got Her Grove Back meets the more optimistic, recently bathed, cheer-leader cousin of Elizabethan era Phillipa Gregory.


Do you have a hook that you love that has worked for you? Do you have a suggestion for me? I'm all ears.

Why?

So I’ve been trying to rewrite my query and it’s killing me slowly. I’ve read through blogs and books and advice on agent’s sites, but still my query is not getting responses. Is it my title? Is it my story? Is it me? Is it because my website is pink? Or because the moon is in Libra? I do have a tendency to come across as uber serious sometimes in my formal writing, so maybe the query implies that the whole book will be in that vein. Maybe I should write it as if it were period dialogue – at least then they’d get a truer representation of the book. Maybe I should be quirky and cute. Or not. I don’t know.

It doesn’t hurt so much when my query is rejected. There’s actually been nothing in any of the rejections to imply the agents even read anything of mine – so I don’t think it’s the book itself. It’s how I’m selling the book.

I think the next set of query’s I send out will simply say, “Read my damn manuscript!” We’ll see how that goes. Who knows? It might actually work.

Query Spoof Contest

So, my first day blogging also marks my first contribution to a blog contest. Creepy Query Girl has a Query Spoof Contest that ends tonight at midnight. My good friend Raquel Byrnes wrote her fake query using the basic plot of Twilight. I wrote mine about Pride and Prejudice. I ended up having more fun playing with the character of the author (for the record, I was NOT mocking Jane Austen. Sacrilege!) than I did the actual summary of the story.

I can't help but laugh at the irony. For this contest, I wrote a bad query on purpose -- whereas all of my real queries to date have been bad on accident.

Read on.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am excited about your opportunity to work with me. My novel, I’m Not Good Enough For You…Or, Perhaps You Are Not Good Enough For Me is character driven. You will find, as you read my enclosed manuscript, I have a gift with words – words that you cannot help but read aloud so you can feel them, thick and sweet, on your tongue and hear them whispered on the wind, drifting into the ether to blend with all that is beautiful in the world. I am confident that you will be as moved as you read as I was as I wrote. This is my gift to you. Treasure it. You are welcome.

Although my text is rich and abundant and full of witticisms and persiflage between my archetypal characters, I will strive, for your benefit, to make my summary as mundane as possible.

Lisa, at the age of twenty, has begun her decline into spinsterhood. She is the second eldest daughter of five, all of whom have little chance of succeeding in life. This is due to poor retirement planning on the part of their father and gauche behavior on the part of their mother. Of all the daughters, the eldest, Joan, has the most chance for success because she is not only beautiful, but she is docile and submissive – traits to be admired in a woman. Lisa and Joan are great friends and both wish to find a handsome, rich man and fall in love.

Luckily a handsome, rich man, Barney, moves into, the neighborhood. His best friend, Darryl, is even more handsome and rich. Joan and Barney begin dating, but both of them are too shy to express their feelings. Lisa had some hopes of attracting Darryl’s attention, but after overhearing him criticize her, goes into a snit and swears she will have nothing to do with him.

What she does not know is that Darryl, much to the chagrin of his pompous groupies, has had a change of heart about Lisa. Lisa finds herself having to spend time with Darryl and, although she cannot stand him, she cannot seem to leave him alone, and they have many verbal sparring matches, full of thrust and parry that hints of the tension caused by the sex they are not having.

Meanwhile, Joan and Barney’s relationship appears to be thriving. Darryl is not convinced that Joan is honest in her feelings, and convinces Barney to leave. Joan is sad, but is too pleasant to be heartbroken.

Amidst some filler subplots about Lisa’s other sisters, Lisa finds herself, once again, forced to be in Darryl’s company. He professes his love in a rather rude way and admits that he talked Barney into leaving Joan. Lisa is horrified and tells him she could never love him. Or could she?

In order to forget her woe, she takes a vacation with her Aunt and Uncle. As they tour the countryside in rustic splendor, Lisa finds out just how rich Darryl is. She begins to doubt her initial reaction and resumes an awkward relationship of sorts with him.

Luckily for Lisa and her entire family, Darryl, realizes that he had been a jerk and fixes everything for everyone. Lisa finds out about his good deeds and agrees to marry him. Everyone lives happily ever after.

The above summary is as small of a nutshell as I can make my masterpiece without being forced to commit seppuku. I feel like I have butchered my life’s work in trying to outline the meat of the plot, when, in fact and in actuality, the plot has only ever been the mere and inconsequential medium for me to express my art. This summary cannot show the beauty of the written word – in order to experience it fully, you must read my manuscript. While originally over 500,000 words in length, I understand that the average reader without the necessary education might be overwhelmed. I have condensed as much as my conscience will allow, to be a brief 122,000 words in length. But please understand, each word is integral to the art that is, I’m Not Good Enough For You…Or, Perhaps You Are Not Good Enough For Me.

I am sure you will enjoy my work. I look forward to talking about myself with you.

Yours,

Narcissa Braggadocio