Naughty, Naughty Me

Today I packed up my classroom and completed all the check-out procedures at my school. While I waited for my exit interview with my principal, I decided to work on one of my blog posts on a school computer. Our filters are really ineffective, but they worked today and I was blocked. Not only was I blocked, I was given a summary of all the reasons.

Wow. I guess this is what I blog about. I'm pretty daring. One might even say I'm naughty. The block made me laugh, but I couldn't explain it to my colleague because a parent walked in.

I'm not sure what else there is to say, Diladele Web Safety said it all. I do wonder, though, why the terms 'free,' 'petite,' 'tour,' and 'teen' were blocked. As for 'blonde,' that goes without saying.

Maybe this should be part of my blog tag line.

Spock Writes Romance
The blog where you'll find erotic sexual content such as anal fetish porn, twats and more twats, rape, fetishes, blonde whores, sluts with fingers, full frontal, a few more whores, and much, much more!

Man, I hate the word twat.

Trending Now #youaretoolate

You’re already too late to join in the success of the current big thing. Sorry, but that’s how it is. Once you become aware of the current trends, they’re already on the way out. The only hope you have is to somehow be the next trend.  The problem here is that if you aren’t a current trend, you are currently unsellable. If time traveling cowboys aren’t already flying off the shelves, then your time traveling cowboy book is not representable. However, if you have written something based on the hot topic de jour, agents may want it, but by the time it’s on the shelves, readers are bored.

Maybe this is a jaded opinion (no maybe about it, it is). It makes a lot of sense that an agent wouldn’t want something that they don’t foresee making them a profit. I don’t resent this at all – it’s business.  Besides, if the agent is making money, that means the authors are making money and that seems win-win to me. The problem is that the next big thing has to come from somewhere. A book has to actually become published that is outside the proscribed mold in order for readers to make it a phenomenon. This implies that, from time to time, agents and editors take the risk of working outside the box (eitherr that or the author self-publishes successfully and all the agents who told them there was no spot on the bookshelf for them start kicking themselves).

I have to believe that if I write a good book, even if it isn’t trending now, it is worthy of attention. There are readers out there. I have to believe this to keep writing.

I admit that after three unsellable Tudor era romances I jumped ship and wrote a paranormal. Paranormals are hot, right? I had a good story to tell and didn’t feel like I was betraying my historical roots. I looked at trends and saw vampire/shifter market saturation and avoided it. Still, my paranormal wasn’t the right type of paranormal. Looking at trends now, it seems paranormal series is the hot thing. The same protagonists from book to book (Angie Fox, Karen M. Moning, Darynda Jones.) Yes, I very much enjoy these authors, but I also like my stories to end (As much as I love Sylvia Day, I may not read the fourth Crossfire book simply out of a fit of pique that the third book teased me into thinking the story was coming to a conclusion.)  Of course, even if I could bring myself to do this, I’d be too late to jump on this trend.

Do I try to predict the next trend and write to that? Or do I write the stories that demand to be written and trust that, eventually, they will end up accidentally hitting the nail on the head. Who knows? Ultimately, I will just write on, trust my instincts, and let everything unfold how it will.

Do you let trends determine your writing?

Seductive Titles

I titled my first manuscript Courtly Love. Each chapter referenced one of Capellanus' Rules of Courtly Love (also mentioned in The Courtier by Castiglione). It was, in my opinion, a smart title. Not only did each rule serve as a theme for the chapter, the overall message was that courtly love wasn't true love. In that book my hero and heroine learned that real love was gritty and uncomfortable, not all about show. Courtly Love was followed by Courtly Christmas, Courtly Marriage, and an intended (but never happened ) Courtly Consequences. All of them played on the reality versus the sophisticated ideal of their subject.

The big problem, aside from the apparently unpublishable nature of Tudor romps, was that none of these titles were in the least bit sexy. I took myself far too seriously. This advice was given by an author that I count as one of my favorites in the historical romance genre. She writes smart, strong, poignant stories all with a sense of humor and a decent deal of heat. I changed the titles to Courtly Pleasures, Courtly Scandals, and Courtly Abandon. Sexier? Yes. Published? No. Oh well.

I took the advice to heart for my next book, Possessing Karma. I didn't abandon my obsessive need for double meaning, but managed to make it have a sensual translation (my main character, Karma, gets possessed by ghosts, then in a more carnal way by Philippe. The ghosts are being punished by the force of karma, etc...).

Misleading title, maybe?

I'm having real trouble finding a title I like for my Ireland book, currently titled Touched by the Past. Gillian returns to Ireland, where she'd spent a troubled childhood, only to find the memories she'd written off as dreams were real. She has a connection to the forest, an ageless elemental spirit of earth. The problem is that the forest doesn't the limitations of her humanity and she doesn't want to accept what is happening to her. The forest barrages her with memories, some recent, some ancient, and she has trouble determining what's real. She also reconnects with a childhood sweetheart who helps her accept the supernatural element and is her support in fighting a very mundane enemy.

I've brainstormed, looking for themes that are both mystical and sensual. I've come up with to know/knowing, bared by/baring, exposed/exposure, open to, touched/touching/to touch, taken, etc... It's driving me crazy. I keep hoping the title will come to me in a moment of inspiration, but no luck on that front so far. With RWA 2013 conference rapidly approaching, I want a gripping title to have on my one sheet (even though I won't be finished, so won't really pitch it -- more just have it with me to show that I'm actively producing)

Titles matter. They make the first impression. What sort of titles appeal to you when buying a book? Have you ever bought on title alone?

More One Sheet Madness

I've finished rough drafts on my three completed courtly books. My poor critique partner has a mailbox full of attachments and is probably cursing my name about now. Still not done, but getting there. I need to revise my synopsisisis on Courtly Pleasures and Courtly Scandals. Courtly Abandon will be written from scratch.

As for Possessing Karma, that book is only 20ish% written. I know promoting it is putting the cart before the horse, but I think I need to show that I'm versatile. I will write a one sheet and synopsis on that one, too. Soon. Eventually. Sigh.

Anyway, here are my revised courtly headers (Photoshop is fun) and taglines. Still having trouble with the '25 word or less' aspect of that, but hey...

 A newcomer to Queen Elizabeth’s court, Frances finally gets her husband's attention, and the attention of a killer.

 Amid the revelry of the Queen Elizabeth’s court at Christmas, Mary is desperate to hide her sordid past, but now a new shame threatens her future.

Fear is the only obstacle to Jane's future happiness. She must be brave enough to choose love over security. 
New version:  Trapped in a web of her father’s lies, Jane must find the strength to choose love over obligation

Question -- should my tagline be specific to the story? That's how I was approaching it.  OR should it be specific to my writing'? A riotous romp through Elizabethan England -- or something. I don't know. So tired. And sweaty. And I'm beginning to suspect I may be lactose intolerant. And I need to put away the laundry...

More writing specific tag line fun:
Dancing and drinking and feasting, oh my!
The Elizabethan court, deflowering maidens since 1558!
Loosen your corset and have a glass of wine. You may need a cigarette after this book.

Titles Matter. Hot, Asian Dating. Viagra 4 U. Refinancing Your Mortgage. This Blog is About Writing -- Were You Expecting Something Else?

The new version of Blogspot has a 'Stats' tab.  It is really cool to look and see how many hits you get per day, what sites of referring them, where in the world my audience is located, etc...  There is no way to know if the hits are real people who read or just Google updating its data, but it's still neat.  I can tell when viewers have come to me via the links on other blogger's sites.  I can see which blog posts have had the most hits and what time of day people view them.  It's really interesting.

Oddly enough, my most popular blog to date is My Naughty Blog.  Keywords used in searches that most frequently led here were 'naughty' and 'blog.'   This leads me to think that, perhaps, the web surfers were not actually hoping for blogs from a struggle writer musing about the writing process.  Chances are good that they were disappointed.   

The blog that had the second highest amount hits is the blog from a few months ago, Side Kick Spin-off.  Sadly, most people found that one via Google Images when looking up the key words 'Batman and Robin' in Google images.

This actually brings me back to writing.  Titles count for so much.  They are the first impression.  I just retitled my W.I.P. yet again.  It started out as Courtly Consequence, then became Courtly Marriage, and is currently (FTW!) Courtly Abandon.  It has both the staid element of history in Queen Elizabeth's court and something a little more provocative.  I think we're in good shape.

Fellow bloggers, look at your blog stats.  Let me know if you find anything interesting.

And, as for the images, I figured if people came across my blog looking for something else (directed here by my somewhat misleading title), I'd at least give them some eye candy.  I tried to offer variety for diverse tastes.

Tag Style Blog: Eight Things About Me

1. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? I would read minds—but I’d be able to control when and where so I wouldn’t hear people’s thoughts shouting all the time. Why? I would chose to be a mind reader because (duh!) I’d be able to know what everyone was thinking.

2. Who is your style icon? Nicole Kidman. Edith Head.

3. What is your favourite quote? Oh you British folk with your extra vowels….

I have a lot of quotes, most them random. I find myself quoting “I’ve got something to say, it’s better to burn out than to fade away! Happy Hallowe’en, ladies.” From The Highlander.

I also use “Don’t get hot and flustered, try a bit of mustard.” And “Smiling makes my face ache.” Both from Rocky Horror.

Remember, I said these were random.

Also I try to figure out various ways to apply this (sometimes the accusations change) quote of Winston Churchill’s. In response to being accused of being drunk he said “Yes, but you are ugly, and tomorrow I will be sober.”

4. What is the best compliment you've ever received? I won first place in the nobility section of the Renaissance Pleasure Faire Southern’s costume contest in 2003. That was a big pat on the back, but not exactly a compliment. I’m sort of awkward with compliments. I have learned to say “thank you” instead of arguing, but I don’t actually accept them often. And when I do, I need clarification to make it make sense, which seems like I’m digging. I have issues.

Someone: "Erin, I like your earrings."

Me: "You do?" *reaches up and checks which earrings they are*

Someone: "Yes, they're pretty."

Me: "You really think so? What is pretty about them?"

Someone *shifts awkwardly*: "Well, they're shiny."

Me: "Yes, they are. Does being shiny equate pretty? I was worried that they were too flashy."

Someone: "Well, I like shiny things. Ummm... I have to go do a thing somewhere now. Bye." *backs out of door*

That is me with compliments. I suck.

5. What playlist/cd is in your ipod/cd player right now? I do not have an ipod. I have David Bowie’s greatest hits in the CD player of the car I drive to work. I have Jewell’s Pieces of Me, Roisin Murphy’s Ruby Blue, Scissor Sisters Ta-Da, ABBA Gold, The Beatles Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, and Rufus Wainwrite’s Poses in the CD changer in the van. I listen to a CD titled Music from Shakespeare and a Pandora station titled “Enya” (which includes all sort of Irish stuff along with Lorena McKennit, Joanna Newsom, and movies soundtracks like Last of the Mohicans) while I write.

6. Are you a night owl or a morning person? I like my sleep. I don’t care when I get that sleep as long as I get it. Sleeping is one of my favorite things to do. Don’t judge me.

Right now I’m one of the first people awake because my daughter climbed into bed with us at 7am and, when I came back from the bathroom, there was no room for me. So I chose to blog. J

7. Do you prefer dogs or cats? I am totally allergic to cats, but I like that they require no effort. I am not a pet person, but I did very much love Shelby – a black lab mix that my husband got as a tiny tiny puppy when we first started dating. It did take me four or five years to love her. When we moved to a bigger house with a yard, we got her a dog. Shelby has since passed on, but we have Portia, Shelby’s dog. She’s almost nine years old and she’s still a spastic puppy. I take care of her, but it is an obligation and I feel bad about that. I’m glad my four year old loves her.

8. What is the meaning behind your blog name? Courtly Pleasures (then Courtly Love) started out so serious (dealing with depression) that I wanted to show that I had a sense of humor. So my original blog title, suggested by my husband, was “Doing It Elizabethan Style.” That changed to “Bursting Your Corset” which became “Hold On To Your Bloomers.” I actually blogged about the change when it happened and you can see my thought process here.

Title Blogfest

Did you know that Return of the Jedi was originally set to be marketed as Revenge of the Jedi, but revenge is something a Jedi would not seek, so it was changed back to what Lucas originally wanted. There's a little title trivia.

In regards to my own title, I am sort of stuck with Courtly Love. I know the title does not jump out and get you, but it's basis is in the story. The rules of courtly love are a running theme throughout the book. Plus, the spin-off books will all have 'Courtly' in the title for continuity.

But, just for fun and because I'm procrastinating on actually writing in my current WIP, here are some alternative titles:

How Mistress Pierrepont Got Her Groove Back

Doest Thou Liketh Pina Coladas?

An Affair With Her Husband

How to Seduce Your Wife

A Study of Postpartum Depression In Tudor England


What do you think?

Now I will finish chapter 10 in Courtly Christmas. I will. Mary will find out Charles wants to marry her and assume it's out of obligation. She will squelch the glimmer of hope for a future with him, and wallow in her perceived unworthiness. Then Chapter 11 will start on the next day of Christmas.

Hold on to your bloomers!

Well, I changed my blog tag again. I never really loved 'Bursting Your Corset' because I couldn't help but picture a gory explosion. I'll probably go back to 'Doing It Elizabethan Style' eventually -- but that made me think of poor hygiene and syphilis, even if it did get attention.
So, for now, this is 'Hold On To Your Bloomers!" complete with exclamation mark to let you know I'm serious.

Side note: Elizabethan ladies did not wear bloomers or drawers. It made sense, really. Anyone who has tried to use a porta-potty while wearing fifty pounds of velvet overskirts, embroidered and beaded silk foreparts, bumroll, and farthingale knows that adding one more step to the process may be one step too many. Of course, I do actually wear bloomers when I am in costume. While not quite as bad as that scene from The King and I, it would be awkward if I were to take a tumble in my hoops.

Doing it Elizabethan Style

In my frantic and obsessive efforts to become published, I have come across a few articles suggesting that an author needs a tag line in order to effectively market their product. I can do that.
So I brainstorm and come up with all sorts of touchy feely stuff about self-worth and being worthy of love, blah blah blah.
Booooorrrring.

Friend and fellow author Raquel Byrnes has 'Edge of Your Seat Romance.' Good. Catchy. You know what the product promises.

And still I have nothing.

Courtly Love is a story of a woman who has been in an arranged marriage since she was fourteen. She and her husband hardly know each other. She hardly knows herself any more. Her story is of self discovery and, during her journey, she and her husband find a passionate love together.

Courtly Christmas is the story of a woman who has settled for the mediocre, always giving of herself to others but never seeking her own happiness because she doesn't think she deserves it. She has to believe that she is worthy of love, and Sir Charles is just the man to teach her.

Both stories have the 'Because I'm worth it' theme, but that one has been taken by L'Oréal.
That's when my husband came into the picture. He is not a writer. He's not even a reader. But he is a businessman and has a better understanding of marketing. I expressed my concerns to him and he immediately suggested, "Doing it Elizabethan Style." We both laughed. I dismissed it a silly and somewhat crass and continued to consider my tag.

After a day or two, I was sold on 'Doing it Elizabethan Style.' It's funny, it's catchy, and it's much more interesting than anything about self worth. Besides, my characters are Elizabethan and they do 'do it.' Plus, it helps me not take myself too seriously.

So, I have my tag line... at least, for now.

And what does any of this have to do with a hamster and a lollipop?