Calling a Spade a Spade

Of course, I am talking about genitalia.  What else would I be talking about?

In reading romance, I always note the terminology and/or euphemisms.  While there are some cliche expressions, in well written stories, the character's perspective leads the way in the naming of body parts.  Is she a aristocratic virgin who is unfamiliar with her own body?  Is she a doctor who looks at sexual encounters as mammalian couplings?  Or is she a dock-side strumpet with a dirty mouth sadly in need of Orbit?  Whoever she is, it will guide the way she views her experiences.  An older sister who raised a herd of younger brothers may look on the penis as a pizzle, peanut, or whatever cute name they used for the toddlers.  Her prior knowledge of it as a non-sexual organ will color her experiences when, ultimately, she discovers its other purpose.  The educated modern woman may be specific and scientific -- and if she did start talking dirty, it would be part of her character development.

But what none of these ladies would think is that the penis is a velvet encased steel lance or a pulsating rod of power.  Unless the author has established an omniscient narrator, all third person perspective descriptions are deep point of view.  The story is from the character's perspective and unless that character is a poet and completely disengaged enough from whatever sensual activity is happening in the scene, she is not going to describe her own nipples as ruched peaks of rose petals atop milky mounds of downy softness.

For years I referred to the female genitalia as the 'area' (usually accompanied by a vague hand gesture).  There was no slang term I liked and the technical terms just seemed too formal and specific.  With my current w.i.p., my main character is really earthy and sensual so it's going to be a challenge to label from her perspective without coming across as crass.  What are your favorite, least favorite, or just plain silly euphemisms?