Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Contemplating My Navel

This summer was a time of change. I decided to stop drinking alcohol and with that had to redefine a lot of my habits and my definition of fun.  It was not the best summer ever, but probably the best for me in the long run.

My pre-existing friends all knew me as a drinker. Introducing myself to them again as a non-drinker has been awkward. They mean well, but I don't want their pity or their understanding. I just want it to be a non-issue. As a result (and I did not do this consciously) I turned more to my friends in World of Warcraft (hereon referred to as WoW) and less to my friends in the real world. The WoW friends don't really know me and don't care. They just want me for my ranged damage potential and that has been freeing.

Along with playing online too much, I have I immersed myself even more deeply in various writing projects. I did not realize until a very close (a pre-existing friend even) pointed it out, but it was pure escapism. She noted that everything I do, or really have ever done, for fun has been a removal from myself. Renaissance faire, World of Warcraft, drinking, and especially writing.

Who or what am I trying to escape from?

Heck if I know. I have a great life, a great family, a great job... everything is good, right? So why are my closest companions imaginary? That question is haunting me. I find I don't even know myself -- I just know the various faces I wear for different obligations.  Even the writer part of me has become a persona. If I could stick all the parts of me in a blender maybe the big red mess that poured out would make sense.

The good news is that now that school has started again I am way too busy to stop and think. I just go go go and then am too exhausted for introspection.  

So many writers write because they must. Why is that?

BTW, that is not my belly up there. If I was that taut I would get a belly piercing. I might even get a tattoo, only mine would be a sunburst to coincide with my stretch marks.  Yeah, it will never happen.


Nicole said...

I'm a non drinker and unless I make a point of announcing it (not so likely ;p) no one knows. My only recommendation is to have a glass of fizzy in hand and sip it slowly (very slowly) so if anyone asks if you want a drink just smile and raise your glass to show it's full(ish). Course letting your inhibitions loose takes some practise, but it's quite fun *grin*

Re writing because we must. For me at least it's a way to silence the numerous voices fighting to get out of my head. Up until I began writing I lived in my head, now I live in my notebook ;p Makes me a tad more accessible... I think..

stu said...

Is it possible that the writing is a way of getting that introspection? Certainly, I've never felt that the act of writing is one of escapism. After all, who is doing the writing?

Susan Kane said...

Aren't we all looking for a degree of escapism? That's why movie makers rake in millions, esp. over the summer. For two hours, I can sit in the dark, watch something totally removed from my life.

Kathleen said...

I wonder if people who golf or run or do yoga for two hours a day are really that much more in touch with themselves? I have a tendency to believe that exercise and meditation are sort of "escapes" too....And the people I know who do those things, do them to the extreme just like those of us who read a lot or watch a lot of TV or do Renaissance Fairs. However, they get to be self-righteous about it because their hobbies are "healthy." My hobby is building my vocabulary and reading speed, so there.

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