Consent in Romantic Fiction

Romance is ultimately about two people finding love against all odds and living happily ever after. That has been consistently true throughout the evolution of the genre.

What has changed is the idea of what is sexy. I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a blanket statement that assault is not sexy.

The alpha male was the ideal romantic character. Add the Byronic, emotionally-damaged element and he was the man a reader could fantasize about healing. He was physically powerful, sexually more-than-proficient, and unreachable... until that one special woman healed him with love. One problem with this is the fantasy that a good woman could change a man. Another problem is that he usually was so sexually overwhelming that the woman couldn't help herself.

One theory for this standard in romance (60-70s) was the idea that a woman was not empowered to say yes. If she wanted a sexual experience, that made her dirty. The pseudo-rape by the alpha male took her accountability away. She said no, but her body said yes. Wait, did I say pseudo-rape? How understated of me.

Another theory for the alpha-male fantasy was, as women became expected to be the super-executive+super mom in the 80s-90s, they fantasized about not having to be in control of everything. The idea of being taken, of ceding control, was a fantasy for a different reason than worrying about being considered immoral; it was backlash about being asked to be too much all at once. These books are borderline rape-fantasy books. The first explicit romance novel I read, when I think back on it, removed all sexual agency from the heroine. It's sad that this is what started my own evolution and is still there, hovering in my subconscious, tainting my understanding of self with guilt and shame. Good times.

My point:

Romance norms have changed drastically in the last ten years. The alpha is still there, but he's more emotionally available and has respect for women. He listens when she says no, or wait. He doesn't bully his way through. It is a relationship of equals and of equal choice. It's awesome. 

I recently have been going through a well-known author's backlog of books (I do that, find an author I like and read everything by them). I'm back about ten years and came across a seduction scene that made me cringe. It was the alpha male asserting himself and seducing the unwilling heroine with a searing kiss. Unwilling. The minute she said stop, don't touch me, that should have ENDED THE SCENE. The fact that he continued made me instantly hate him. She. Said. No. No means no, m*th*rf*ck*r. The book did not get worse along those lines, but he was already ruined. He was probably intended to be an alpha-male, but I saw a bully and could not get past that. He punished her with pleasure. Yuck.

The 2nd book in that series involved the man's twin brother.  He was confident and funny. He was in no way a pushover, but when said enough, he stopped with no questions asked. That was respect. Super sexy respect. He may be my new book boyfriend.

I felt like these books represented the shift in expectations within the community of romance readers. Book 2 was published in 2010.

After looking into this I checked on another author  I like (I had done much the same thing as I went through all of her romantic suspense and then backtracked into her historical series). All her current books have respectful relationships with give and take instead of just taking. However, her historical novels meet the standard of the alpha male. When did this change? 2009.

I did not start this blog post as a treatise on the evolution of romance. I wanted to point out the changing values when it comes to a woman's sexuality. Romance mirrors the reader's romantic fantasies and is a reasonable way to look at how generations of readers view their own role in sexual interactions. The changing dynamic of seduction in romantic fiction tells me that readers respond to consensual interactions. The beta-man used to be the alpha's side-kick, but now he's the more desirable partner. He listens.

All of the romantic heroes I write would have, 20 years ago, been considered the beta side-kick to a more dominant alpha. I write about a couple finding each other. She is not his property. He does not belong to her... they belong together. You cannot get that partnership without equality and there can be no equality without consent in the relationship. That said, I just wrote a scene where he tells her to wait, that he's not ready... and I vacillated on whether or not she would listen or power through, seducing him. OF COURSE she waited. She listened. They couldn't be equals if she didn't. No double standards.

Have you noticed a change in the way relationships are written in romantic fiction? What do you think spurred this change? I am interested in your answers.

Note: I do not "cancel" authors who do not meet my ethical standards. If I don't want to read them, I don't. Easy. Standards have changed over the years. The first book I mentioned  that had the alpha-male, I know that to be a product of the system and the era. Had I read it when it was first published, I may not have even noticed the problem. I did not mention author names because I do not want to contribute to any do-not-read lists. They are good authors who continue to produce good books. When I read scenes in older books, I may think to myself that it wouldn't be published today... but neither would many books and movies we think of as classics.

No Means No

Bodice Rippers.

It's a term I've used in the past to mock the romance genre. It comes from an era of romance where the young virtuous ingenue is seduced by the experienced rake. She fights her own desire and, when she gives in, it is often under duress. It's the scenario where she said no but her body said yes. Now I consider that disgusting, it's rape made titillating. It also summarizes the value system of an era where good girls couldn't say yes... and it taught men that no didn't always mean no.

But romance novels did not create this norm, they were a symptom of it. The female readers during this time responded to these books because it was a representation of the social values they were living. Sexual fantasy was just that, fantasy. But the limits on a woman's right to claim her own sexuality was not a fantasy.

These were the romances I started with. In fact, these stories impacted my view about love and sex. I'm still trying to get over that.

Today's romance novels still frequently have an alpha man. The difference between the old school tropes and today's characters is that he's butting heads with an alpha woman. It's a meeting of equals. Unless you are reading a niche book about BDSM or rape fantasy or straight-up porn, mainstream romance is about a woman who is competent and powerful in her own right. She may or may not be virginal. She may or may not be young. Or thin. Or white. Or heterosexual. And there is no concern about whether or not a woman can acknowledge her own desires. If she says no, it's because she means no. And, an equally important shift, she has the right to say yes.

Romance has changed as the writers have changed. While it is still a market with, predominantly, women writing for women, that is not exclusive. A good story is still a good story, and (imo) the only thing keeping the romance genre limited to a specific section of the bookstore and a specific demographic is the prejudice in place against the genre.

(While I could talk at length about the ingrained prejudice against romance based on sexism and the patriarchal norms still lingering that want to limit women's sexual agency, this is a post specifically about the changing face of romance.)

So bodice rippers have had their time and the romance industry has evolved. It's to a point where the term has been reclaimed by the industry in much the same way as racial or homophobic slurs are used by people within the culture to take away the power of the word. We have taken ownership of the insult and know that, as a genre, we are above it.

*Click the image above to go to the BuzzFeed link, "19 Things Fabio Is Actually Thinking On Romance Novel Covers."

Naughty, Naughty Me

Today I packed up my classroom and completed all the check-out procedures at my school. While I waited for my exit interview with my principal, I decided to work on one of my blog posts on a school computer. Our filters are really ineffective, but they worked today and I was blocked. Not only was I blocked, I was given a summary of all the reasons.

Wow. I guess this is what I blog about. I'm pretty daring. One might even say I'm naughty. The block made me laugh, but I couldn't explain it to my colleague because a parent walked in.

I'm not sure what else there is to say, Diladele Web Safety said it all. I do wonder, though, why the terms 'free,' 'petite,' 'tour,' and 'teen' were blocked. As for 'blonde,' that goes without saying.

Maybe this should be part of my blog tag line.

Spock Writes Romance
The blog where you'll find erotic sexual content such as anal fetish porn, twats and more twats, rape, fetishes, blonde whores, sluts with fingers, full frontal, a few more whores, and much, much more!

Man, I hate the word twat.

Super Sexiness

I include explicit scenes in my romance. Even so, they're pretty vanilla. I would rate my work as R for adult situations, but would I go so far as X? Well, there's full frontal, so maybe. I am not erotic enough to be romantica and I don't think I could be because I'm repressed.

Fifty Shades of Grey opened the door for erotic literature to be mainstream. Oh, it existed long, long before, but would never be on the shelves at Target (where I just saw Anne Rice's The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty on a shelf above the young reader novelized version of Frozen). Now people are more open minded to what they consider literature versus pornography. Somewhere in the middles lies romantica, erotic romance. Yes, there is a lot of sex BUT there is also a compelling story and an emotionally satisfying happily ever after. I recently read Captivated by You by Sylvia Day. This is book four about Eva and Gideon and the series will conclude when it concludes. I will continue to read their stories because I am intrigued by them, not just their sex lives (seriously, they should both have calluses on their genitals by now and/or need medical attention). I also read Out of Bounds by Dawn Ryder -- super sexually charged but, again, a good story that had me invested in the main characters. Romantica, not just about the sex (but, yes, a lot about the sex).

Given the surge of interest in romantica and the open acceptance of the book buying public, part of me wants to try my hand at it. The other part is crying softly in a dark corner. I don't think I have it in me. Really, the sex scenes are hard for me to write. I want to make it fabulous, of course, but I also need to make it reasonable and realistic. A follows B follows C because if C happened before A it would just be gross. I would include so many showers and oral hygiene that it would come across as a hygiene fetish niche piece instead of romantica. Plus, if I'm getting tired writing it, I can't imagine what my hero/heroine are experiencing in their marathon session. If it's hard for me a to read a scene without feeling sore in empathy with the characters, how can I write it?

I can't. It's not in me. I can never jump on the super sexy train and I have to be okay with it.

What do you have trouble writing?

(I actually wrote this post after looking at my viewing numbers on previous posts. Posts with sexual content were the winners, so I went there. Notice, I did not censor the woman's nipples in the image above. That's right, I went there. Taking super sexy risks ftw!)

PS. Never do an image search for 'bandaged penis.' Just don't. 

Recycled Post: You Know You Write Historical Romance When...

I just came across this post, originally aired 5/31/2011 and decided it deserved to be re-shared. I added some of the original reader commentary.

You Know You Write Historical Fiction When...

1. You find yourself using "anon" in everyday conversation.*
2. You have words like "bumroll" and "farthingale" added to your spell-check's dictionary.*
3. You actually own a bumroll or farthingale.*
4. You programed auto-correct to change all "qe" to "Queen Elizabeth." *
5. You cannot stand perfectly good period movies because of the fabric choices.
6. You have become more lax about food sitting out because, hey, five hundred years ago there was no refrigeration.
7. You find yourself inserting interesting historical facts that have nothing to do with your story and feel like you are doing your readers a disservice when you delete the unrelated history lesson later.
8. You cannot stand reading a perfectly good historical romance because of the fabric choices (and, in a disappointed rage, may or may not have written a strongly worded letter to the author about his/her responsibility to the reader to portray their era with accuracy).
9. You understand why many authors do not touch on anything to do with hygiene.
10. You think nothing is wrong with having a beer at breakfast.

Just in case you wondered what a bumroll was.

Feel free to expand upon this list.

Sidenote: This post could also be titled, "You Know You Take Renaissance Faire Too Seriously When..."

* I write Elizabethan historical romance. Please feel free to insert whatever era appropriate terminology to make this relevant to your writing.

end original post .....................................................................................................................

Thank you to Kathleen and Mary for adding the following points:

Kathleen said... I love #8! OK, how about these:

11.You make up all sorts of reasons about how your widowed heroine is actually a virgin.

12.You figure out plausible excuses to explain why your widowed heroine (who is not a virgin) might respond like a virgin in a love scene.

13.You suspend reality to make every virginal heroine's first time fabulous and multi-orgasmic.

Interestingly, I can only think of sexual examples. Hmmmmm.... should I be worried?

I think #9 needs this add-on: "Not only do you understand, you agree and ensure that your main characters take more baths during the course of your story than most people of their era took in their lifetimes.

mary said...

OK, how about this:

You know the years each swear word came into common use.

You insist on capitalizing "she" when it refers to the Queen.

You know more about the laws of the 16th century than the ones today.

Am I on the right track?

 And Laura added a comment about her genre, mystery.

Laura M. Campbell said...

It's funny how serious writers take their genre and craft. I'm a mystery writer and I'm doing research on serial killers and I like to point out their is a distinction between psychopath and sociopath. I also know a thing or two about finger prints and trace evidence. The things swirling around in my head could make for a frightening story. 

Courtship is Dead

On the radio this morning the host was talking about modern courtship. He pointed out that, for the new generation of dating teens, a boy no longer has to man up and ask a girl on a date. There is no going out to dinner. There is no chivalry. Instead, they 'hang out' and arrange everything through faceless texts, tweets, and Facebook.

Now I"m not saying the dating model is perfect, but it is romantic. A woman wants to be wooed, to know she's important. In the hang out scenario, she's not. What's worse, the young women I know don't seem to expect attention. There is almost a desperation and they take what they can get. They don't seem to realize that, in the give and take of sexual favors, the woman holds the power. She can withhold sex and the guy will do whatever he has to in order to get it (thank you, Lysistrata).

For a while I thought the problem was with the boys. Where did the gentlemen go? Why did they think they could dress like thugs and treat women so poorly? I now think the problem may lie more with the women. They don't value themselves enough. And for every girl with the confidence to wait for a man that deserves her, there are ten girls out there with the self-esteem of mud that are willing to pass out blow jobs willy-nilly.

For all the talk that chivalry is archaic and plays to a double standard, the hang-out date and drunk, back-seat sex without commitment brings women back even farther. Low standards for men mean that women become reduced to the sum of their orifices. Girl demand to be treated better than a micro-waved cantaloupe.

This blog post was inspired by witnessing a date, of sorts. The couple came in to the restaurant where I was having lunch. They were shown to a table. He looked at the menu and complained about the food offered. When the waitress came to take the order, the girl ordered politely, and the boy asked if they could just make him a hamburger or something other than the "crap" on the menu. They were both playing with their phones the whole meal, then she paid and they left. It was sad.  The young man would have fit right in with one of the guys pictured here, only had ear gauges and sagged long shorts. The young woman was clean, groomed, dressed in a coordinated outfit.  I wanted to go talk to her, to tell her to expect better for herself, to demand better for herself. As long as women lower their standards, the boys will never learned to step up.

Educating Myself on Sexiness

I've been married for fifteen years and born two children. Though not super experimental, I like to think I know what I'm doing when it comes to sexual relations. Given that I write about it and that I don't want every scene to use the same sequence of events, phraseology, etc, I do online research. Yes, I have to be careful NOT to leave certain websites up when my kids are playing Wizard 101.

Some stuff I've read is just plain common sense.Some is ridiculous. Articles that guarantee multiple orgasms invalidate themselves right away. The best stuff is approached with a sense of humor and not pretentious.

For your reading enjoyment and potentially to help improve your prowess, I'm posting links to some I've found interesting. Enjoy.

How to Touch a Woman's Breast.  This one is written with a sense of humor and really deals with the fact that the arousal process is primarily in the woman's mind. Perhaps a little overkill in the nail raking, but still good.  Along this line, you find the funkiest stuff when you do a search for "nipple orgasm." It included this picture. Why hadn't I seen this before? This is within my historical zone, a great reference for... something. Man. I've been missing out.

Clitoral Stimulation Techniques. I found this interesting and learned some new things. Not being a contortionist, I've never really been able to analyze the whole region properly.

Expensive Vibrators. Not that this helped with my writing, but knowing that these exist and people buy them was amazing to learn. This one looks steam punk.

Even more entertaining than information that I can use, is the stuff that I can't but leaves me laughing. I have shared this with friends before, but never in a blog. Here is Cosmo's 44 Most Ridiculous Sex Tips. I think the beer facial one may have happened by accident once, though.

How has your scope been expanded by writing research? Any fun stuff you want to share?

Inspired by Muse

 
More than once I've turned to Muse's song, "Starlight," when I need inspiration when writing about a love relationship just starting out. The song delivers that sense of yearning, wanting something out of reach – and that something is worth risking everything. This sentiment helps me understand the motivation of my characters during the passionate, romantic content of my stories. Besides the repeated "I just wanted to hold you in my arms," line (which, in its simplicity, is very seductive) the line that catches me most is:

My life, you electrify my life

Let's conspire to ignite

All the cells that would die just to feel alive.

That feeling, the emotional and physical high of being in love (or infatuation), that seems worth throwing everything away. It seems silly unless you're in the grip of it, but when it has you, nothing else is important. There's probably scientific significance to the absolute need to be with the object of your affections in regard to the survival of the species -- but even knowing that wouldn't change the effect. I'm not just talking about sex; I'm talking about the whole package. The obsession with another person that makes you want to be smothered in them, to wrap yourself around them, merge with their essence. You want to breathe their breath; their touch is the best thing in the world. The sound of their voice soothes you, no matter what they say. You feel connected, understood, desired -- and you reciprocate in tenfold. You can never quite find words strong enough to describe what you feel, yet writers keep trying. I felt the message about that need in "Starlight."

 

 

Post-RWA Recuperation

Tessa Dare accepting the RITA for Regency Historical

Romance Writer's of America's national conference in Anaheim is over.

There was so much stress and planning in leading up to it, I was sure that it would be like my wedding -- over in a flash and leaving me with a compromised immune system. Not so. The three days did blend into one, but every moment was full of opportunity. Yes, I had a schedule (that I sort of kept to), but I had to be open and accessible at all times because I never knew who I was going to bump into (I got all 13 year old fan girl on Zoe Archer in the bar).

It was amazing.

I was able to pronounce empire correctly without feeling pretentious. I learned the true definition of steam-punk (thank you Karina Cooper)as a genre. I even had a discussion about butt plugs and the evolution of what was acceptable in mainstream romance.

I came home with over 100 books, most of them signed by the author. I spoke with many of those authors (who include, but are not limited to, Lynsay Sands, Julia Quinn, Christina Dodd, Suzanne Enoch, Tessa Dare, Mary Wine, Darynda Jones, and Rebecca Coleman... to name just a few).

I pitched to a few agents, all of whom asked for my submission. I tackled in the hallway spoke with a couple editors who also asked for my submissions. Almost everyone, except for one person (if you know who you are, you don't care so it doesn't matter), was accessible, courteous, and receptive.

I've been emailing off the requested first chapters and such over the past few days. I plan to start writing new material tomorrow. As for right now, this very moment, I'm just exhausted. That last hour of the conference, my feet hurt so badly that I wanted to just lay down on the floor and fall asleep. I liken it to that image of the dehydrated man in the desert who just needs to get over that next hill or he might die -- same feeling. Not that I'm complaining about the conference.. I just know that next time I'll need to eat more protein or something (and splurge for a hotel room at the conference site regardless of the ridiculous cost).

Yes, there will be a next time. The conference was so awesome on so many levels. I really, for the first time, felt like a contributing part of the industry. 

See you next year in Atlanta!

You Have Me At A Disadvantage, Sir

The subject here: male vs. female orgasms.

Reader beware, this post may be crude. Surprised? You shouldn't be. I've never been accused of being too classy.

Female virgins are the norm in my genre. It's a tried and true cliche of the young, untried virgin and the experienced rake who initiates her into the realm of pleasure. Sure, there's deviation from this norm, but even when the woman wasn't a virgin coming into this new and oh-sweet-mystery-of-life-at-last-I've-found-you relationship, she may as well have been. Usually her past sexual experiences were sub-par, which generally meant she had never experienced orgasm.


When it comes to sexual gratification, men have women at a disadvantage. They've been experimenting with their 'doofinky thingy' (thank you Mrs. Manno) since their very first bath. One day, it did something miraculous and that meant daily experimentation. It is really, really easy for men to end sexual encounters with orgasms (whether or not anyone else is involved).

Women don't have it quite that easy, especially virgins. Now I know this is not true for all women, but I feel safe in making the generalization that MOST women don't take matters into their own hands and ALL men do (and the ones that say they don't, they lie).

I have read that the romance genre creates unrealistic expectations in women in regard to sexual encounters. I'll agree that romance novels make female orgasm look incredibly easy to attain. I read a few novels (including some written by Fabio) whilst virginal and, yes, when I had my first encounter, I was expecting something... more. Even following that time, I kept waiting for that something to happen. Was it my fault? Did I not work right? Or was my boyfriend a douche-bag that didn't care about anyone but himself? I'll bet you can guess the answer.

I will agree that women should not use romance novels as a how-to manual when it comes to sex (but guys, the whole seduction idea? Maybe you should read a few. I mean, if women think they're sexy, then maybe you could get some pointers). If you take the stories at gospel, yes, you're going to be disappointed both with yourself and your partner (unless you're Salma Hayek and your partner is Joe Manganiello -- then you're good). But if read it for the fantasy it is, the sexual aspects could be inspiring and leave behind a feeling of hopeful optimism.

When it comes to real life, the statistics about female orgasm are really, really sad. Maybe that's why women enjoy the fantasy of the 100% guaranteed orgasm (or 300% in the case of Fifty Shades). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that women are sitting around all day wishing they were orgasming (at least I don't, I don't know about you), but, when it comes to sex, it would be nice to have the same surety that men do.

It might be funny to write a scene in one of my novels where she does not reach earth shattering heights and assures the nervous guy that everything's all right, it was still enjoyable. Or, she fakes it for his ego's sake. :) Somehow I don't think that would go over well with readers.

You Dirty Girl!

Stefanie at The Writer's Cocoon wrote a blog post about whether or not having first hand experience is a must. She was talking about obgyns and pediatricians, but of course I am applying it to writing about sex because that's how I roll.

I write romance that includes sex. I have considered writing m/m romance, but not having personal experience with m/m sex, I don't think I'm qualified. Writing about sex in something other than a x then y then z way or in a pornographic way means the writer is including the emotional content of the participants. They also include the physical sensation. Could I write that if I hadn't experienced it? Other than saying "it felt great" I don't think so. You can't be realistic and honest without some experience. I could not accurately write about what it's like to wear a corset all day or how to walk or sit in a hoop skirt if I hadn't done so. I cook the recipes for the food I include in my stories so I get the scent and texture correct. I still have not felt up a tall, muscular man. Nor have I ever been physically. picked up by a man large enough to make me feel delicate - and funny as it sounds, I feel like I should just so I can get it right in my writing. The same comes to the sexual scenes. And, because I'm probably repressed, there are some scenes I will never write because there are some things I will never do.

But on that note, do all authors apply their own experiences? If so, some of the authors I have read are dirty, dirty girls. I know how much of myself I pour into my stories and always felt I knew the authors of the books I loved just from that. I had never considered the sexual aspect -- and now I wish I hadn't. Man. If people write what they know, then... wow!

How much do you think personal experience counts towards writing a believable story?

BTW, I bet this post will become one of my higher-hitters just because of the name and the name of the jpg. Right now the one with a jpg titled Sexy Secretary is my #1 hit post. Seconded by Titles Matter: Hot, Asian Dating. Sad, huh?

Virginity continued

This was not the post I originally had planned for today, but after watching the Glee episode about first times, I was inspired to comment.

Sex, when you break it down to basics, a mammalian coupling. It's a basic urge that is necessary for the perpetuation of the species. Being human and so much more advanced than mere animals (I have talked to several young people in my life that did not believe me when I said humans were mammals) we have complicated the issue. A lot. It's not just a matter of urge fulfillment, it has a lot of meaning applied.

I'm not saying sex should not have meaning and we should just go around sans pants and procreate whenever the need strikes. I am saying that it's not just a simple coupling. Even if you want it just to be a simple physical act, it's not. There are two people involved and who knows what's going on in the other person's head. It's complicated.

People counsel young adults to wait until they're emotionally mature enough to deal with the aftermath. If you freak out at the thought that someone may have a memory of you naked and making silly faces, you're not ready. If bodily fluid is disgusting and you don't like to be touched, you're not ready. Why? Because society has created a standard for living that involve cultural norms like personal space and expected levels of hygiene. We do not respond well to natural scents and are so insecure that we are constantly pitting our own image against an unachievable standard of beauty. And, thank you Christianity, we are guilt based. Afterward there is sure to be the worry about having made a mistake.

I repeat - it's complicated.

To do it or not to do it, that is such a big question. Life changing. But only because of the importance we put on it. I wish I could forget that formative first time, but it's there in my memory making me wince. In the romance genre, it's all about that first time being phenomenal. Even when the couple in question were not virgins, they may as well have been because nothing had ever been so earth shattering before. Man - that's a lot of pressure.

In writing about Percy's first time I also made Jane's experience with him so amazing that she realized the times before with other men meant nothing. It's plays into the fantastical idealization of virginity that we embrace.

Thus ends my diatribe on virginity. To be continued, I am sure, sooner than is preferred.

Virginity and You

I think that I should tell you that I am not a virgin. I was a virgin for years, but then I was no longer. My husband is also not a virgin. Our children are genetic proof.

I'm sorry if you're disappointed.

However, my male lead in Courtly Abandon IS a virgin. Or at least, was for about 150 pages. My female lead was not. Although my other female leads have also been non-virginal, they had had a minimal and unimpressive sexual past. My current female character was widowed young and is very earthy. She's enjoyed herself since widowhood.

What I wanted to do (and think I have done) is somewhat of a role reversal. She is a skilled lover who separated emotion from the sexual act. He is an idealist who, though not saving himself for marriage specifically, refused to resign himself to something meaningless. He'd been in love with Jane since adolescence, but never thought he could have her. Since their time together years ago, any other potential liaison seemed tawdry.

Teach Me Tonight touched on male virginity recently. They pointed out that there has been a resurgence of the male virgin. I have read some of the books they discuss and been able to accept the plausibility of the story. Sexual prowess comes from being aware of the other's needs, not just focusing on his own release. Being responsive. It is not unreasonable that a thoughtful and observant virgin might become a great lover quickly, even without the benefit of multiple conquests, time in a harem, whathaveyou.


Inserting myself into the situation, I don't think I would find the male virgin less sexy. In the world of STDs that exist today, it's hard to just accept the guy that has put his penis into countless potentially diseased women. If I fell in love with a male slut, I would demand testing and then would always wonder about his past. With a less experienced man, my insecurities would not be constantly present wondering if he's comparing me to the other women. I might take the his appreciation, his worship of my body, as honest.

Overall I am pleased with Percy's sexy-factor, even as a virgin. I have had alternating responses from my readers (prompting this blog). What are your thoughts on male virginity?

J is for Junk

Usually, the word 'junk' only applies to the junk I don't want to see.  You know, when a drunk friend from high school moons you toooooo much.  Or when crazy no-pants-man walks around the backstage area where you're trying to get dressed.  He's only wearing his shirt and socks, but since it's chilly, he wrapped a blanket around his shoulders.  Yet, still there is junk.

What else?  Hmmm... Okay, you're laying on a towel on the beach and your dumb-ass boyfriends friend who might be high or not (there wasn't much difference) starts to squat over your face as if he's going to pass gas. He doesn't (thank God!), but it does give a clear line of sight right up his leg.  Then there are those accidental pictures that you find when doing a Google image search for lederhosen (go ahead, do it)... Seriously, there's a lot of junk out there that I don't care to see but somehow always do.

There is nothing sexy about junk.

You may wonder what this has to do with writing romance?  Just for you I will try to make a connection.

The romance genre treats male genitalia with reverence. It is lauded with poetic euphemisms and has an almost magical quality.  It would be hilarious if a book got published where the heroine got an unwelcome view of the hero's junk and described the sweaty ball sac or his wrinkled elephant trunk.  It might ruin the illusion of the penis as a cure-all-proof-of-true-love, but man would I laugh.

So, just to share my pain, here is a pic I titled "Grandpa's Junk." To be kind, I made sure there was no actual skin involved, just a tight speedo.

Hope the other "J" posts you come across today in the A-Z Blogfest are less disturbing than the above pic.

Only Holding Hands

I am writing about a sexually promiscuous woman which is deviating from the romance genre norms.  Jane has been there, done that.  She knows what she likes and is not afraid to go get it.  But her love interest, Percy, is left over from an innocent time in her life.  He's the one who got away.  Her first true love and never kissed.  But he is not supposed to be her love interest.  She is supposed to be pursing his brother (the titled Earl).  She cannot afford to play around with Percy, mainly because it would not be playing, it would be more true than any other experience she has had.

So I am writing a passionate scene where they are just holding hands.  A simple touch.  No kiss, nothing illicit, but intense.  The question is, is it enough for the genre?  Yes, of course, they'll get around to having sex -- but it has to be a slow build for the purposes of this story.  And, after all, the anticipation is the best part. 

The sexual possibilities of hand holding came to me via memories of Don Juan De Marco.  I saw this movie when it first came out.  It seemed a safe thing to see with my parents (I was just out of high school) but I was wrong. The movie made a long time impression on me.  Of course I was a Johnny Depp fan (21 Jumpstreet being part of my formative years), but this was just, well, hot.

The opening scene is in a restaurant where Don Juan seduces a woman just by kissing her hand.  I have to admit, it made my breath catch.  I thought of this scene as I wrote it -- I just hope I've pulled it off.

Warning: This clip is R rated

 

Calling a Spade a Spade

Of course, I am talking about genitalia.  What else would I be talking about?

In reading romance, I always note the terminology and/or euphemisms.  While there are some cliche expressions, in well written stories, the character's perspective leads the way in the naming of body parts.  Is she a aristocratic virgin who is unfamiliar with her own body?  Is she a doctor who looks at sexual encounters as mammalian couplings?  Or is she a dock-side strumpet with a dirty mouth sadly in need of Orbit?  Whoever she is, it will guide the way she views her experiences.  An older sister who raised a herd of younger brothers may look on the penis as a pizzle, peanut, or whatever cute name they used for the toddlers.  Her prior knowledge of it as a non-sexual organ will color her experiences when, ultimately, she discovers its other purpose.  The educated modern woman may be specific and scientific -- and if she did start talking dirty, it would be part of her character development.

But what none of these ladies would think is that the penis is a velvet encased steel lance or a pulsating rod of power.  Unless the author has established an omniscient narrator, all third person perspective descriptions are deep point of view.  The story is from the character's perspective and unless that character is a poet and completely disengaged enough from whatever sensual activity is happening in the scene, she is not going to describe her own nipples as ruched peaks of rose petals atop milky mounds of downy softness.

For years I referred to the female genitalia as the 'area' (usually accompanied by a vague hand gesture).  There was no slang term I liked and the technical terms just seemed too formal and specific.  With my current w.i.p., my main character is really earthy and sensual so it's going to be a challenge to label from her perspective without coming across as crass.  What are your favorite, least favorite, or just plain silly euphemisms?

Let's Talk About Sex

Today's world of contraception  and sex-education has made sex more of a fun thing to do when you're bored than a big, meaningful event.  Age, both very young and very old, is irrelevant. Marriage is not a requirement by any means for anything (except for shared health benefits).  Modern Western culture is as much an anything goes society as any in the history of the Western world (except for maybe Ancient Greece in regards to homosexuality).

I think I can objectively say that these are modern sexual mores as presented by the media.  The stakes, in regards to sex, are not high.

Given the prevailing openness about sex, even among adolescents, never ceases to amaze me when those sneaky Puritanical values that occasionally give us guilt or the perception of a right to be judgmental rear their intolerant, bonnet clad head.

Recently a young lady of my acquaintance shared that she was expecting.  She is over 18, a high school graduate, and on the way to developing a career.  She is a capable young adult.  She and the father plan to marry, which was their plan in the first place.  Now, I'm sure even she would acknowledge that the situation is not ideal, but it's not terrible or anything worthy of scandal.  The buzz amongst the younger crowd, however, is quite different.

I don't know if the fact that she's pregnant is what makes it rumor worthy.  Since she's not showing any sense of shame or embarrassment, that should have squashed the rumor mills in the bud.  But it hasn't -- which leads me to think that the titillating factor is that the pregnancy is evidence that she's sexually active.  I cannot believe, in this world that these adolescents wish to be a part of and claim to be mature enough to participate in, that they care that an adult is sexually active. Really?

This goes on to debunk the media's portrayal that our society actually believes that anything goes.  Apparently the stakes are still high.  Parents still opt to have their children excluded from sex education and abstinence is the preferred method of birth control.  Perception of being sexually promiscuous (which apparently means sexually active) is just as big a deal now as it has ever been.  And marriage counts for something.  I mean, I don't think the buzz would be nearly as exciting if I, a married, 35 year-old, mother of two, announced I was pregnant (I'm not, btw). In fact, the young people would probably be grossed out.

This is where I seguay to writing....
I write historical romance.  The most popular historical romance genre is Regency.  During the regency era and the ensuing Victorian period, sex was a very private thing.  There were strict moral codes.  Judgement was high.  The stakes for being sexually active outside of marriage could be life shattering.  In a way, this makes Regency romance that much more exciting.

I write about the Elizabethan era.  Sex was, well, rampant.  Obvious.  In poorer communities, life was still almost feudal, and generations of a family would share one home without having their own rooms.  Sex was not private, nor was it illicit or sinful.  It was a normal thing that happened between a couple (especially since England was experiencing a mini-Ice Age at that point).  Sex outside of marriage may have been a bigger deal to the lower classes, but among the nobles it was commonplace.  In fact, a betrothed couple would sometimes not marry until the woman was pregnant in order to ensure that she could breed.  If a woman got pregnant outside of a betrothal, she'd go and have the baby in the country, then come back to court.  She also had the option of taking a 'herbal remedy,' and many women did.  The idea of being ruined by lack of virginity happened much later.  Virginity was not all important -- what was important was that the blood lines be preserved. 

This said, raising the sexual stakes in an Elizabethan romance is difficult.  Of course, modern readers put their own perceptions of what life was like 'back then' and attribute values to things that were not valued -- so they put their own stakes on the event.  So far, my stakes revolve around other aspects of the story.  Sex is part of it, of course, in that it goes to grow the characters and the relationship.

In my current w.i.p., I am making a point to make the stakes on sex high.  Jane is a sexually promiscuous widow -- sex is not be a big deal for her.  She has to change her ideals when she decides that she want to marry again and she wants to marry well.  If she is going to marry the Earl of Kingsley, she should not give in to her desire for the tutor, despite the fact that he was her first, innocent love years ago. This time I'm going to withhold sex for quite some time and see if the tension is enough to titillate through the story.  The problem I see with this is when they actually do come together, I had better deliver that scene with an intensity that makes the wait worth it.

Of course, these are my plans now.  Who knows what the characters will decide to do, if the want to abide by my outline or not.

O

I recently started reading a book written by a high school friend of my sister's. Mara Altman's Thanks for Coming, is thoroughly entertaining. I found myself laughing out loud enough times that my husband would step outside and insist I explain what I'm laughing at. Of course, he did not think a description of a vagina as an inside out, upside down bat was humorous. Oh well. He doesn't have to read it.

The sexual theme, though obvious, is not as dominant as the theme of human connection and trust. This was unexpectedly helpful to me in regards to writing passionate scenes. Lately, when I read romance novels, I seem to read them more for research than for enjoyment. I'm analyzing the industry, not really reading. Thanks for Coming broke me out of that rut.

It also got me thinking about the actual passionate scenes in romance novels. Everything is so perfect. Flawless. All the heroine has to do to achieve the climax that her perfect partner is skillfully giving her, is:

• throw herself of a precipice
• dive into an ocean of sensation
  
• dissolve into the stars
• become one with the powers pulsing through the earth

etc...

Lovely and poetic. The actual orgasm is equally beautiful and abstract. I believe that my one of my heroines "fractured into millions of points of light."

Passionate scenes in romance novels are idealized and romanticized. Now, I'm not saying the scene should be described with more biological and anatomical terms. That's not pretty. And it's not fantasy.

Romance novels are not self help manuals. If a person has a sexual dysfunction or terrible body image, they will not find a cure by reading about a heroine who doesn't drool while she sleeps, has no sweat glands, and whose private parts smell like apples. That said, the reader may find escape. It would be boring to read about muscle contractions and goo --that's real life. Most of us have plenty of real life -- that's why we read romance.

Of course, I read my first romance novel while I was still virginal. Super virginal. I mean I didn't know that the process was anything more than insert A into B and make a baby. That romance novel, and the ones following, really raised my expectations. Was I let down? TOTALLY! Maybe it would have been better if I'd read Mara's book before reading Fabio's.

At this point, I don't remember where I was going with the blog. Maybe I'll remember and edit before the publication date/time comes along. If not, that means I was actually writing my WIP, like I'm supposed to be doing.

Horny Teenagers

A while back, I was a judge for my school's district level History Day competition. During a break, I excused myself to use the restroom and stumbled upon some tongue locked, groping teenagers (who I had just interviewed about Japanese Internment camps). These kids were in the hallway outside a bathroom, not terribly romantic. He was just happy she was letting him touch her. She was ignoring his BO and imagining what it would be like if they were on a bear skin rug in front of a hearth in Aspen and (subconsciously) basking in her power over males. But on top of it all was almost palpable desire. They were horribly embarrassed (so don't make out next to the teacher's bathroom, idiots!). I wasn't embarrassed so much as giggly and silly. They were so awkward and spastic and desperate. I remember public make out sessions when I was 16. And the thing about it wasn't that it was necessarily a sensual smorgasbord, but it was exciting and new. Each little step along the path toward the inevitable losing of virginity was part of discovering the unknown. Add that to out of control hormones and those teenage years become just a crazy randy blur.

Now I'm all grown up, if you use years as a guide. The hormones are much more stable and I've been there/done that when it comes to the spectrum of more traditional sex. So, the anticipation of wondering if he'll try x, y, or z and/or if I'll let him, or of trying to make time for trying anything during the 20 minutes between getting off the bus and parents coming home -- that's all gone. And it's not coming back.

It's sort of depressing. And it's funny to remember how serious everything was back then. How it all meant the world when, really, all it was was a couple of horny teenagers seeing what they could get away with.

I look back on this because I think this is part of the escape of romance novels. Whether the heroines are innocent virgins or courtesans discovering love for the first time, it always has that passion and anticipation that is part of a new relationship. That is not saying that I want a new relationship, but escaping into someone else's psyche, even for a few pages of a book, helps me relive the days when I shaved my legs regularly, just in case. The protagonists in the romance genre have such a strong chemical attraction that they can't keep their hands off each other. His burning gaze ignites a fire in her belly. Her every intake of breath makes his self control quaver. That is Romance novel passion: it's also teenage passion, and, as I sit here in her sweat pants and bleach stained maternity tank top (my last pregnancy was over 4 years ago), I remember. The leading lady is not wondering whether she's ovulating or embarrassed about her cesarean scar -- she just aches to have him touch her breast. He's not worried about the mortgage or the fact that he just had his burger animal style, he wants to taste the rose-petal and honeyed softness of her skin -- and she's so consumed by passion that she's not self conscious or wishing she had bathed first. Romance is an amazing escape from the mundane. It helps us remember the idealism of passion from when it was new.

Perhaps the passionate scenes in Romance novels should be written by horny teenagers who are so starry eyed in love and in lust that their inexperience has them convinced of the magic of passion. Or course, it would only be a paragraph long.