I am the biggest obstacle to my writing. There are those moments when I could believe in muses gifting me with a story. Then there are those moments (many, many moments over the past year) where my writing is forced with the hope that if I write something, the right thing will happen. The result usually involves many mindless Facebook games, deleted pages, or the urge to nap.
When I have experienced writer's block in the past it's always because I wasn't writing the correct thing. Something was critically wrong with my story and I couldn't work forward until it was fixed. This past year has been different. I think I stopped trusting myself and my vision. Rejection took its toll and I think, on a subconscious level, I no longer believed that the right story lay within me. I lost the joy of writing for writing's sake and could only see my failures.
My critique partner would ask me about this every time she saw me. I didn't see what was happening because I was still writing, sort of. Hardly producing, but I would open the file and change it enough to have to save at the end. She saw me flailing and wanted to help, but I didn't see it. She asked if I was done with writing. I said no, but I wondered.
So, here it is. I am not done with writing. What I am done with (until I freak out again, there's a full moon, menstruation, out of ice cream, whatever) is writing with the goal of getting an agent/editor's attention. I'm writing for me. I'm writing what will make me smile, cry, or surprise my husband with unsolicited physical affection. I will write because it makes me feel like I'm fulfilling my potential.
And if an agent/editor ends up liking it, bully for me. If not... well, eventually sometime something I write will be the right thing for the industry and then I'll have a whole backlog of completed manuscripts for my future readers.
In honor of my wake up call, my next post will include the beginning pages from a work in progress than I'm disinterring and going to finish (if it kills me, goshdarnit). So stay tuned.
The video linked below is twenty minutes but worth your time. I have thought back on it many times over the years, especially when I don't feel the creative genius percolating and try to force it. It helps me to realize I can't control everything (serenity prayer anyone?) and the stories that need to be told will be told.
Dear Blog,
I've been working on an alternate project lately and can't really tell you about it. Rest assured that I am still writing, but I took a left turn at Albuquerque and who knows where I'll end up.
I've been mulling over a question. I strongly believe that a writer should be true to themselves. That said, how smart is it to keep being true to yourself when rejection after rejection tells you that you are on the wrong path? There are only so many times you can tell yourself that you just haven't found the right agent yet before you come to the conclusion that the problem is with yourself.
I know, dear blog, that you are on my side. I know you think I'm a great writer with manuscripts the world has been waiting to see. Thank you for that. I just think that, perhaps, it may not be the manuscripts that I have already written. That leaves me with the problem of figuring out where I go wrong. The latest rejection told me there was a problem with the pacing. Does that mean it's too fast? Or too staccato? That I don't give enough breathing space? I don't know.
This brings me back to my first point. I'm taking a break from querying, pitching, or putting myself out there at all. I need to focus on my craft and find my voice. I also need to confirm whether my voice is in genre fiction or literary fiction and go all in.
As for you, blog, I think I'll return to the premise of building my craft in my posts. Does that mean you'll still hear about Irish dancing? Well, I don't think that I can avoid including that. I hope you don't mind. But, for the time being, there will be no conference/pitching posts because that's not where I am right now.
Are we cool?
This will be my third year at the Romance Writer's of America conference and every year I use their spreadsheet of agents hearing pitches to create a stalking list. It's not creepy at all. Well, maybe a little -- I prefer to think of it as being prepared.
I make a list in order based on how well I think we'll fit. I include their picture, a list of clients that I have read and those that seem to be similar in theme/voice, and a quote from their site about what they're looking for. The list has been helpful (even though I remain sans agent)
I write this today, not to creep you out, but to share an epiphany. Year to year I use the RWA area of interest grid to update my prey potential agents and it changes very little. This year I noticed that only half the agents want paranormal romance. Given that I am pitching one paranormal and halfway through a second, I have to curse under my breath. Three years ago they all wanted paranormal. This year they all want contemporary. Did that last year? I don't know, I didn't look for that information because I only had historical and paranormal. This year I'm adding contemporary to the mix and it seems like a smart move.
My point? I was using the grid to see if I'd want them, if I had a chance. It never occurred to me to use the grid to guide what I should write. In a way, the grid acts as a not-so-secret view into the mind of the agent based on what they think they can sell. It is a prediction, if not of future trends, of what IS selling. Of course I wanted to be aware of the market and I did that by looking at the best seller lists, etc... I realize now that RWA gave me a tool, a comprehensive list of things agents actively want. I'm just lucky that this year I have something to offer within that area.
By "your package" I mean YOU. (What did you think I meant? You have a dirty mind.)
I started off in my troll cave. I researched the agents and their submission processes and I spammed out queries. During the querying process you hone your letter, trying to showcase your voice and cover the key points of your story with brevity and hook the attention of the inundated agent assistant. At this point, the package is your query, not your manuscript. You might have the best book in the world, but if your query doesn't get their attention, no one will ever see it.
Your book = the face. Your tube top = the butt in the mirror.
I finally left my cave and started attending conferences. I live in Southern California and the dress code here can be described as, "what's a dress code?" Most of the industry professionals are from the East Coast where, if you believe What Not to Wear, they dress up to go to grocery shopping. Shopping aside, the agents and editors at the conferences are dressed professionally. Ergo, if you want to show respect and present yourself as a professional, you should dress professionally. You're pitching your manuscript(s), but the first thing they see is you. You are the package.
Note: I am not a fashion guru by any means. I would describe my look as "scumbag" and am currently wearing yoga pants and a TMNT t-shirt my brother 'accidentally' left here two Christmases ago. I'm actually a little more done up than writing alone at home usually warrants -- My hair is clean and am still wearing a bra.
You may ask, "Erin, aren't you being shallow? Don't you think the agents/editors care more about my writing than what I look like?" To that I would answer this:
Of course they care about the writing, but they are considering whether or not you will make them money. They are wondering if they can work with you. All of this comes from that first impression. Are you worth more than that one book you're pitching? How will you handle public relations? Signings? Social media? Simple things like sitting up straight, smiling, and making eye contact is worth almost as much as your pitch. Hygiene, breath, clean/pressed clothes -- all of this goes to showing who you are. If you rock the scumbag look to an agent session it may seem like you don't have your stuff together or that you don't respect their position. You may have a great book, but if you're covered in cat hair, smell like old beer, and are wearing the same sweats you wore yesterday that is the first thing they see. The same thing goes if you decide to present yourself as sexy (something I see a lot with my high school students who equate "dressing nice" with what they would wear to a club). Think of the position you want as a writer, not a stripper. Put your boobs away and wear shoes you can walk in. While everyone says not to judge a book by the cover, we all do. First impressions matter.
No, I'm not an agent or editor, so I am not speaking from experience in their specific field but I have worked in sales. Think about what you're selling. Your book? That's part of it, but during a pitch you're selling the package of yourself as a writer. The agent/editor is a professional -- you should aspire to be, too.
I'm not telling you to buy a new wardrobe for a conference. Nor am I telling you to be someone you're not. I look on the well groomed version of me as just another facet of the whole. Be clean and comfortable (although, personally, I'm willing to deal with a little discomfort -- sometimes the discomfort is a reminder not to get too relaxed, to remember my purpose, and to sit up straight). At conferences I wear suits, slacks, and dresses that fall into the business professional category. I make sure everything is freshly pressed, not missing buttons, etc... I may be just shy of hobo when I'm grocery shopping, but at conferences I am pulled together, clean, and tailored. Ultimately the entire conference is like a job interview and you need to be on constantly.
Saying the word "package" so many times brought this video to mind. Though it has nothing to do with professional attire, I'm posting it for your viewing enjoyment.
I can spew one hundred thousand words, but summing it all up in two hundred and fifty is horrible. Seriously, fork in the forehead horrible.
Queries are my kryptonite. Not only are they not good, but I suffer a complete psychological shut down when I even start to think about them. When I force myself to write one, I can't even remember what my story is about. I start babbling and think of alternative things I could have written that would be great in m query. It's bad.
Writing a synopsis is not as bad, but it's not fun either. I took a great class this past summer at RWA13 in Georgia which really broke it down. In fact, when I had to write a synopsis for Golden Heart, it flowed from my finger tips. Of course, some really horrible grammar mistakes also flowed (and remained unnoticed by both myself and my husband). Still, it's the best synopsis I've written (now that, too late, I've fixed it).
I see these online classes about how to write a query. I read Query Shark and nod in agreement at the sage comments therein... but when I try to apply it, I freeze.
Every single project I have completed has ended up with me hacking the first two to three chapters off it. Why? Because I'm the queen of slow starts and back story. I can't seem to help myself. It's sad really.
When I chopped the first two chapters off of Karma, it wasn't enough. It still was too slow. I edited the bejeebers out of it, getting to the action ASAP. It wasn't until months later and a slew of non-responsive agents that I actually reread it with fresh eyes and realized I'd cut the soul out of the story.
One rejection said the story lacked balance. I didn't know what the agent meant until I read it again. Boom, there's action. It's hot, it's creepy... but it doesn't pull you into the story because there is no hint at who the characters are. It was painful to realize, but easier to fix than I'd hoped.
The question is should I resubmit? If the agents who gave me no responses read at all, it was only the first thirty pages. The rest of the book unfolded organically and, I'm happy to say, I'm still really proud of my work. They requested it int he first place, so they saw something in it. The lack of a "no thank you" isn't a de facto rejection, so it wouldn't necessarily be pushy or unprofessional of me to try again. Would it? I have no idea. I don't want to come across as too desperate -- but if the shoe fits...
Help me out, people. Your expert advice is appreciated.
You’re already too late to join
in the success of the current big thing. Sorry, but that’s how it is. Once you become aware of the current
trends, they’re already on the way out. The only hope you have is to somehow be
the next trend.The problem here is that
if you aren’t a current trend, you are currently unsellable. If time traveling cowboys
aren’t already flying off the shelves, then your time traveling cowboy book is
not representable. However, if you have written something based
on the hot topic de jour, agents may want it, but by the time it’s on the
shelves, readers are bored.
Maybe this is a jaded opinion (no maybe about it, it is). It
makes a lot of sense that an agent wouldn’t want something that they don’t foresee
making them a profit. I don’t resent this at all – it’s business.Besides, if the agent is making money, that
means the authors are making money and that seems win-win to me. The problem is
that the next big thing has to come from somewhere. A book has to actually
become published that is outside the proscribed mold in order for readers to
make it a phenomenon. This implies that, from time to time, agents and editors take
the risk of working outside the box (eitherr that or the author self-publishes
successfully and all the agents who told them there was no spot on the
bookshelf for them start kicking themselves).
I have to believe that if I write a good book, even if it
isn’t trending now, it is worthy of attention. There are readers out there. I
have to believe this to keep writing.
I admit that after three unsellable Tudor era romances I
jumped ship and wrote a paranormal. Paranormals are hot, right? I had a good story
to tell and didn’t feel like I was betraying my historical roots. I looked at
trends and saw vampire/shifter market saturation and avoided it. Still, my
paranormal wasn’t the right type of paranormal. Looking at trends now, it seems
paranormal series is the hot thing. The same protagonists from book to book (Angie
Fox, Karen M. Moning, Darynda Jones.) Yes, I very much enjoy these authors, but
I also like my stories to end (As much as I love Sylvia Day, I may not read the
fourth Crossfire book simply out of a fit of pique that the third book teased
me into thinking the story was coming to a conclusion.) Of course, even if I could bring myself to do
this, I’d be too late to jump on this trend.
Do I try to predict the next trend and write to that? Or do
I write the stories that demand to be written and trust that, eventually, they
will end up accidentally hitting the nail on the head. Who knows? Ultimately, I
will just write on, trust my instincts, and let everything unfold how it will.
Greetings and salutations! It's been awhile since I've posted here because I've been too busy with real life kicking my butt. Only some minor complaints, really; I'm sure it was over due.
On a positive note, I have started writing again. Following the RWA conference this year, my arm was too messed up. Then the school year started. The bad news is I that I had hoped to have this project finished and clean for the Golden Heart and the likelihood of that happening is pretty much nil. I can't really complain though because the writing is going well. I'm really happy with the direction the characters are taking the story. They're so much more damaged than I originally thought and that makes their transformation so much more intense. So maybe I didn't force the writing whilst stoned on Vicodin -- I have to accept that it was meant to be.
This project, like the last, is a paranormal romance set in modern times. Yes, there is a lot of historical influence, but not enough to call it a historical romance by any stretch. When I wrote Karma and switched categories within the romance genres, I didn't consider that it made all my previous agent/publisher research void. After so many years of stalking agents that represented historical romance, after pouring through their client lists and reading their newest publications so I could know what they responded too and thought would sell, I started writing paranormal. I never even considered that this might mean a different group of agents.
Romance? Yes. Same sub-genre? No.
I am an idiot.
This summer, prior to RWA 2013, I made a nod at research for the agent/editor pitch sessions. RWA provided a table with checked boxes indicating what those agents/editors were looking for. Historical? Check. Paranormal? Check. This applied to formal pitches only. My stalking list of agents, though, had not been altered.
I write this as a word of warning. It's possible I ruined existing rapport I had with my dream agents by sending them stuff they do not represent. One of my rejections from 2012 came with the comment that she liked my writing and to send her the next thing I had that wasn't Tudor. Well, I did -- and I deviated so far that it wasn't even historical. I'm still crossing my fingers that I didn't burn that bridge. That particular agent is forwarding it to another agent in her group that does do paranormal. I breathed a big sigh of relief at that but still kicked myself.
Long story short: Do your research. If you change what you're writing, do your research again. Sounds like common sense, but then again I'm not often accused of that particular quality and it gets worse every year.
Chances are that, if you’ve never been in a commission job,
you think of paying commission as a rip off. You don’t get that the commission is
the only pay they get for dealing with you. That the service profession is
investing their time, risking future income, on the possibility that working
with you will pay off. It’s in their best interest to represent you fully
because if you’re not happy, you’ll go elsewhere. A commission earner doesn’t
get paid if there is no sale – so they work their butt off to make it happen.
I hear the most awful
stories of clients taking up hours and hours of agent time and resources, only
to casually call a number on a sign and make that sale happen outside the scope
of the person representing them. The client thinks they got a better deal, but don’t
realize they’re just paying someone else’s commission instead of the person who
earned it. I’ve seen this sort of thing happen in retail and insurance, but my
primary source of my frustration here is in real estate.
I hear so many horror stories about an agent investing their
time with a client, even finding the property that the client wants, only for
that client to then go organize the deal through someone else so a friend
gets the commission. Or they start
the deal, back out, then go back for it with someone else. Is it because they
were unhappy with the service from their agent? No, it’s usually because they
think they’re getting a better deal. My faith in humanity makes me think that the
clients just must not realize the impact, or down-right dickishness, of their
behavior – but occasionally it happens on purpose and then my rage is
unquenchable. I don’t know how my husband deals with it.
I’ve seen agents get treated like this by friends and family
who just don’t understand the process. Law suits are always an option, but
frequently not worth the time or bad blood they create. I could never work in a
job like that, where you waste your time and effort over and over again only to
be screwed by the people you were trying to help and, in some cases, had
developed a real rapport.
Maybe this is why I see a literary agent as an integral part
of the publishing process. Yes, you pay them, but in return they’re
representing your interests. They’re not successful if you’re not successful.
There has to be trust that the agent is going to put the work in, but the agent
is also trusting that their client is going to follow through with their
promises/potential. It goes both ways. You wouldn’t hire an agent you didn’t
think could do the job; they won’t take on a client that may be a waste of
time.
In a world where self-publishing opportunities are overwhelmingly abundant, having
an agent is proof of a quality product. Yes, many of the self-published books
are less expensive, but my experience with them has been spotty at best. I’m
much more likely to buy an unknown author from a well known publishing house
because that is a guarantee of quality control. There may be options to
circumvent paying an agent, but I would rather have the peace of mind in
knowing I had an industry professional on my side. The commissions exist
because people are willing to pay for the service.
Long story short (too late): I still want an agent.
AND
If you are in a position where commission is involved,
understand you’re paying for a service. Don’t be a dick.
Well, I did not finish Possessing Karma by my self imposed deadline of 12/31/2012. I am 96% done -- so, so close. I really have about 2 1/2 chapters left, but time was not on my side. Stupid Christmas got in the way. Bah-humbug. (Yes, it did get in the way, but no bah-humbug. I love Christmas).
Today is the last day to submit to the Golden Heart contest through Romance Writer's of America. Yesterday I submitted both Courtly Scandals and Courtly Abandon. I wanted to get Karma in, but even if I'd finished the first draft, it wouldn't have been ready for judging.
2012 is over. I did not get an agent, though I did get some positive agent connections. I did not get published, but I did (almost) finish two books. I broke completely out of my Elizabethan comfort zone in writing and have found a new niche for myself. I did not lose weight, but I didn't gain weight either. I broke the heck out of my foot, then healed. I attended the RWA 2012 conference in Anaheim and resolved to attend the 2013 in Georgia.
Just for fun, here is my past year in random pics I took on my phone.
We saw this dog at the mall, fresh from the groomers. She still stood tall and proud, a Great Dane in spite of her pink-ness. Even her nails were painted.
In case you ever wondered what hope, dreams, and love smelled like, I can tell you. It's has a soft floral with a hint of vanilla. Quite nice, actually. Now you know.
Everytime I park next to this car, I wonder how many of those cats are still living. Sort of creepy. Reminds me of the dogs from Coraline....
This movie made my children cry and afraid to sleep in their own beds. They are 8 and 6 1/2. Never trust the movie recommendation of a 34 year old, single, childless, entomologist.
This pic was taken for a blog I didn't end up writing. This is a laundry detergent scoop from Arm and Hammer. Line one indicates the amount of detergent needed for a regular load. Line two is for extra soiled. Line three is for nothing, but is more prominent than one and two. Of course, I bet most people just fill the scoop without reading the directions, then wonder why they didn't actually get 125 loads from their box of soap.
I don't know why this was on my phone, but it was, so here you go.
I must have deleted the picture of the guy in a pumpkin costume riding his motor cycle down the freeway.
I hope you had a great 2012 and are optimistic about what 2013 may bring your way.
A new school year has begun and, again, immature behavior
has me up in arms. If I had a dime for every time a student was upset at me
because “I got him in trouble,” I’d retire. There is a disconnect in the
thought process that drives me nuts. Child does something against the rules. I
enforce the rules, so I’m the bad guy. Hmmmmm…. No.
Who broke the rules? Was it me? No? Then perhaps the person
you should be angry with is yourself. Wait – you have excuses for your bad
behavior that I have to hear. You just really wanted to do whatever you did a
lot, so it’s reasonable. Seriously, grow up and take responsibility.
The funny thing here is that this lecture was inspired by an
adult. My students have been great.
My six year old, full of self-pity, cries after she gets in
trouble. With her cute boo-boo face and tear dripping lashes, she tells me that
I hurt her feelings. I did? What did I do? I put her in time out and it made
her sad. Awwww. It’s cute when a cuddly six year old doesn’t get the basic life
lesson about being responsible for one’s actions; it’s a teachable moment. But
what do you do when an adult behaves this way? I don’t think a sticker chart
will cut it.
How does this relate to writing? Um, I don’t know. Maybe you
can make the connection for me.
Rant over.
Begin rave.
In other news, I received the first post-RWA conference
rejection. It was personal, not a form letter. I have to say it was really nice
to know the agent read my submission and took time to comment. It was
disheartening to know it didn’t inspire her to read more, but such is life. I
have recently read work from some of her clients and they’re phenomenal. Not
that I’m not totally awesome, but I am genre fiction. While I see my work as
unique within genre guidelines, the market is a big pond and my little fish
might not be evolved enough to stand out. The good news is that I’m a better
writer every day. While I maintain that my current finished manuscripts are
completely publishable and will lead to a steady readership, my future stuff is
going to rock their world. J See, there I am being accountable for my own
actions. My stuff was rejected and I didn’t blame the rejector. Man, my
awesomeness amazes me sometimes.
There was so much stress and planning in leading up to it, I was sure that it would be like my wedding -- over in a flash and leaving me with a compromised immune system. Not so. The three days did blend into one, but every moment was full of opportunity. Yes, I had a schedule (that I sort of kept to), but I had to be open and accessible at all times because I never knew who I was going to bump into (I got all 13 year old fan girl on Zoe Archer in the bar).
It was amazing.
I was able to pronounce empire correctly without feeling pretentious. I learned the true definition of steam-punk (thank you Karina Cooper)as a genre. I even had a discussion about butt plugs and the evolution of what was acceptable in mainstream romance.
I pitched to a few agents, all of whom asked for my submission. I tackled in the hallway spoke with a couple editors who also asked for my submissions. Almost everyone, except for one person (if you know who you are, you don't care so it doesn't matter), was accessible, courteous, and receptive.
I've been emailing off the requested first chapters and such over the past few days. I plan to start writing new material tomorrow. As for right now, this very moment, I'm just exhausted. That last hour of the conference, my feet hurt so badly that I wanted to just lay down on the floor and fall asleep. I liken it to that image of the dehydrated man in the desert who just needs to get over that next hill or he might die -- same feeling. Not that I'm complaining about the conference.. I just know that next time I'll need to eat more protein or something (and splurge for a hotel room at the conference site regardless of the ridiculous cost).
Yes, there will be a next time. The conference was so awesome on so many levels. I really, for the first time, felt like a contributing part of the industry.
I was cleared for jogging, wearing heels, and beach volleyball. I plan to do two of the three, but it's going to take time.
I got my first pair of heels when I was eight. I bought them for 25 cents at the local thrift store. They were white leather pumps with a clip on rosette and I loved them. I wore them whenever my mom would let me. Thinking back, I'm surprised at how often she let me.
Today I'm wearing a sturdy pair of heels around the house. It really is just as foreign feeling as transitioning from THE BOOT to sneakers. It's silly to put a lot of energy into something as trivial as heels, but I have a shoe collection that I plan to wear again someday. Call me shallow, but it's a goal that will take working towards.
*Insert smooth segue into writing here*
When I wrote my first book, I was sure it was great. It was going to take the romance world by storm and I would be an overnight sensation. Maybe I wasn't quite that starry eyed, but I did think it was awesome and no one could tell me any differently. When I did get negative feedback, I soothed my defensive spirit by saying the reader just wasn't in my demographic, didn't understand my artistry. I revised and revised and cut/pasted/rewrote/renamed until that book became a Frankenstein. Looking at it now, it is not a bad book, but it's not a great book either (though my mother-in-law would disagree ). I have since gotten over the disappointment and recognize it as a great learning experience.
As was my second book.
And my third book.
Of all my completed novels, I think books two and three are publishable as they are. Book one may be as well, but I'd rather not have it out there with my name associated with it. I would hate for it to be the one book someone reads and the reason they don't buy anything else from me. I have learned so much from the process of creating these novels. I'm an entirely different person than when I started this journey. I know who I am as a writer, I know more about the industry and genre norms. I am part of the writing community. I've come a long way from that first chapter (which I ended up cutting) that I carried around and forced everyone to read.
The RWA conference is just one more step toward being the author I know I can be. Whether or not it provides miraculous connections or leads to contracts, it will be an experience that I can use to hone my craft. I can only get better from here. Do I think I'm ready now? Of course -- but then I thought I was ready three books ago. Each book has been better than the last and I hope I feel the same way even when I am published. I don't ever want to stagnate as a writer. The RWA conference will, at the very least, be a tool to improve. If that is all it is, I will still be grateful for the expereience.
The conference is just one more baby step on the road to publishing (a very expensive baby step). I'm both excited and scared, but know I'll come out of it better than before even if I get nothing but rejection.
Awhile back there was a blogfest about page 99 of your manuscript. The premise was that authors frequently put a lot of effort into the first few chapters then relax, perhaps too much. If an agent is hooked by reading page 99, it bodes well for the entire book. If you have the time and interest, you can participate in an online critique forum at Page 99 Test.
Below is page 99 from my w.i.p. Courtly Abandon. It is the very end of chapter 9. Reading it out of context, does it hook you? Would you turn the page?
“Dearest Jane, I took advantage.” Sir William went down on one knee before her, taking her hands in his. “I pray you, forgive me.”
Jane squared her shoulders, wishing herself calm. “There is naught to forgive my lord.”
“My lord? Have I so truly overstepped myself?’ He pressed her hands against his cheek.
She knew he was totally in her control. Lust was a powerful motivator. She smiled shyly, willing herself to look innocent. “Oh, not at all Sir William. I am just,” Jane struggled for the word, “overwrought.”
“Of course you are. I am a rogue to take advantage.”
“Sir William, please stand up.”
He stood, but still held a ridiculously guilty expression. “You are quite right. I shall leave you here to compose yourself. We should not return to the hall together.”
Jane almost laughed at the intensity of his little drama, but instead gave a simpering smile and said, “You are too good to me.”
“You are deserving of the best.” He leaned in one more time and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. Did he think they were lovers now?
He gave a quick reverence, kissed his fingers to her, and scurried out of the garden.
Jane stood still for a moment before allowing herself to breathe, relax. She found a bench and sat down, leaning her face in her hands. “Good God in Heaven.” She wanted to want him, but all she could think of was Percy.
As if summoned, a voice pierced through the darkness. “Did you enjoy kissing my brother?”
My husband asked me if I had any resolutions for the New Year. My immediate response was "No." I mean, seriously, every year I say I'm going to lose weight and be more health conscious. I will drink less and do more things out of doors. I will start going to church and become more community conscious. All these things I say I'll do and don't. What am I doing? Setting myself up for failure. It's like a form of self flaggelation. Last year I set no New Year's resolutions and this New Year's Eve I did not feel guilty about anything. It's a win-win situation.
Of course, after my immediate "no" I rethought. Well, I do want to get my query and proposals together on Courtly Scandals. My goal for the New Year could be to simply get an agent (last year I would have said to get published, but now I know baby steps are in order). I could set a goal on finishing the two books I have just started. These are not ridiculous goals, they just require effort on my part and that is effort I am willing to give.
So, I amended my negative answer with I will get an agent and finish my new projects. Next New Year's Eve I actually, probably, maybe will have accomplished these goals (honestly, they'd be things I'd be working toward anyway) and will be proud of myself.
Then again, who needs a New Year's resolution to be proud of an accomplishment?
