So Stupid It Should Be Illegal (Actually, it was -- but that might be too much information)

So I've got this situation that refuses to die. I wish I could pretend it didn't exist. It taints most of my social interactions and makes me angry more often than is healthy.

In all, the person I am frustrated at the most is myself. I did the right thing. Looking back I now, I wish I had been brave enough to do more, to do what needed to be done. Of course, the person that is actually at fault in this situation blames me. No good deed goes unpunished, right?

It's one of those situations where you realize that some people are just stupid. When actions have no other rational excuse other than stupidity, that must be the reason. Mix Ocam's Razor with Quacks Like a Duck theory and you end up with one answer. STUPID.

Understanding that STUPID is the reason for this person's behavior does make me feel better. I have to revise my expectations of this person. The, "I'm sorry you are upset" was translated as an apology for my actions. Why? Stupid. Action needed? For me not to care. I will decrease the importance/prioritization of this problem down to well below getting the dog to the dentist. It just doesn't matter because you can't fix stupid.

This realization has been cathartic for me. I'm not quite at Master Shi-Fu's level of inner peace, but I'm on my way.

How's your holiday going so far?

You Dirty Girl!

Stefanie at The Writer's Cocoon wrote a blog post about whether or not having first hand experience is a must. She was talking about obgyns and pediatricians, but of course I am applying it to writing about sex because that's how I roll.

I write romance that includes sex. I have considered writing m/m romance, but not having personal experience with m/m sex, I don't think I'm qualified. Writing about sex in something other than a x then y then z way or in a pornographic way means the writer is including the emotional content of the participants. They also include the physical sensation. Could I write that if I hadn't experienced it? Other than saying "it felt great" I don't think so. You can't be realistic and honest without some experience. I could not accurately write about what it's like to wear a corset all day or how to walk or sit in a hoop skirt if I hadn't done so. I cook the recipes for the food I include in my stories so I get the scent and texture correct. I still have not felt up a tall, muscular man. Nor have I ever been physically. picked up by a man large enough to make me feel delicate - and funny as it sounds, I feel like I should just so I can get it right in my writing. The same comes to the sexual scenes. And, because I'm probably repressed, there are some scenes I will never write because there are some things I will never do.

But on that note, do all authors apply their own experiences? If so, some of the authors I have read are dirty, dirty girls. I know how much of myself I pour into my stories and always felt I knew the authors of the books I loved just from that. I had never considered the sexual aspect -- and now I wish I hadn't. Man. If people write what they know, then... wow!

How much do you think personal experience counts towards writing a believable story?

BTW, I bet this post will become one of my higher-hitters just because of the name and the name of the jpg. Right now the one with a jpg titled Sexy Secretary is my #1 hit post. Seconded by Titles Matter: Hot, Asian Dating. Sad, huh?

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree

The current background of this blog, courtesy of The Cutest Blog on the Block, is themed after a partridge in a pear tree. The Twelve Days of Christmas is the theme to my second book, Courtly Scandals. I spent quite a bit of time researching the history of the song and how the usage and meanings changed over the years. Courtly Scandals is set over the twelve days of Christmas in 1572-73 at Whitehall Palace in the reign of Queen Elizabeth.

My area of focus for my History BA in college was the Elizabethan Renaissance and the Reformation. After college I continued academic reading for personal enjoyment. I applied this information during my participation in Renaissance faire (I treated it as a living history experience - it's the teacher in me). It is unfortunate that I can no longer cite my sources at the drop of the hat. They all blur. But in all, my knowledge of the social history of the era is better than your average bear's.

In my writing, I make adaptations in order to make the history relatable. Little things. What we spell 'partridge' used to be spelled 'parteridge.' I thought that was a reasonable sacrifice of historical accuracy in order not to annoy the reader, but other than very minor details my history is solid. My first manuscript was requested by an editor at Avon who asked me to make changes and resubmit. I had written all the dialogue in a BBC version of old English (thee, thou, hadst, etc... reasonably understandable to the modern ear). She said it hurt the flow and made it difficult to relate to the character. I changed it - I wasn't sacrificing history, I was choosing my writing style. And she was right. "Say you want me" is much sexier than "Sayest thou doest want me."

I write this because I got (dun dun dun!) another rejection. As rejections go, this was great. It was a thoughtful review that showed me the editor had actually read my ms. She had some input on the story inconsistencies which I will address. The biggest irk, aside from being rejected, is that she questioned my history. She also said the speech read too modern. MAN! There is no winning!

Anyway, it's back to the starting block. I need to finish up Courtly Abandon then rework my query for Courtly Scandals. I will take a break from history for a bit and write my contemporary paranormal, I think, after this. My passion is the historical, but maybe it's time that I start listening to the rejections that have told me that the Elizabethan era is more suited to historical fiction than historical romance.

Virginity continued

This was not the post I originally had planned for today, but after watching the Glee episode about first times, I was inspired to comment.

Sex, when you break it down to basics, a mammalian coupling. It's a basic urge that is necessary for the perpetuation of the species. Being human and so much more advanced than mere animals (I have talked to several young people in my life that did not believe me when I said humans were mammals) we have complicated the issue. A lot. It's not just a matter of urge fulfillment, it has a lot of meaning applied.

I'm not saying sex should not have meaning and we should just go around sans pants and procreate whenever the need strikes. I am saying that it's not just a simple coupling. Even if you want it just to be a simple physical act, it's not. There are two people involved and who knows what's going on in the other person's head. It's complicated.

People counsel young adults to wait until they're emotionally mature enough to deal with the aftermath. If you freak out at the thought that someone may have a memory of you naked and making silly faces, you're not ready. If bodily fluid is disgusting and you don't like to be touched, you're not ready. Why? Because society has created a standard for living that involve cultural norms like personal space and expected levels of hygiene. We do not respond well to natural scents and are so insecure that we are constantly pitting our own image against an unachievable standard of beauty. And, thank you Christianity, we are guilt based. Afterward there is sure to be the worry about having made a mistake.

I repeat - it's complicated.

To do it or not to do it, that is such a big question. Life changing. But only because of the importance we put on it. I wish I could forget that formative first time, but it's there in my memory making me wince. In the romance genre, it's all about that first time being phenomenal. Even when the couple in question were not virgins, they may as well have been because nothing had ever been so earth shattering before. Man - that's a lot of pressure.

In writing about Percy's first time I also made Jane's experience with him so amazing that she realized the times before with other men meant nothing. It's plays into the fantastical idealization of virginity that we embrace.

Thus ends my diatribe on virginity. To be continued, I am sure, sooner than is preferred.

Virginity and You

I think that I should tell you that I am not a virgin. I was a virgin for years, but then I was no longer. My husband is also not a virgin. Our children are genetic proof.

I'm sorry if you're disappointed.

However, my male lead in Courtly Abandon IS a virgin. Or at least, was for about 150 pages. My female lead was not. Although my other female leads have also been non-virginal, they had had a minimal and unimpressive sexual past. My current female character was widowed young and is very earthy. She's enjoyed herself since widowhood.

What I wanted to do (and think I have done) is somewhat of a role reversal. She is a skilled lover who separated emotion from the sexual act. He is an idealist who, though not saving himself for marriage specifically, refused to resign himself to something meaningless. He'd been in love with Jane since adolescence, but never thought he could have her. Since their time together years ago, any other potential liaison seemed tawdry.

Teach Me Tonight touched on male virginity recently. They pointed out that there has been a resurgence of the male virgin. I have read some of the books they discuss and been able to accept the plausibility of the story. Sexual prowess comes from being aware of the other's needs, not just focusing on his own release. Being responsive. It is not unreasonable that a thoughtful and observant virgin might become a great lover quickly, even without the benefit of multiple conquests, time in a harem, whathaveyou.


Inserting myself into the situation, I don't think I would find the male virgin less sexy. In the world of STDs that exist today, it's hard to just accept the guy that has put his penis into countless potentially diseased women. If I fell in love with a male slut, I would demand testing and then would always wonder about his past. With a less experienced man, my insecurities would not be constantly present wondering if he's comparing me to the other women. I might take the his appreciation, his worship of my body, as honest.

Overall I am pleased with Percy's sexy-factor, even as a virgin. I have had alternating responses from my readers (prompting this blog). What are your thoughts on male virginity?

Not Smelling Like a Rose - or a Pumpkin

This person I know was at home alone doing the dishes. It was oddly calming, the house was quiet and cool. Being alone, she decided there was no harm in passing gas occasionally. Dishes almost done, she stood there tooting away and couldn't help but notice that her gaseous emissions smelled strangely of raw pumpkin. That was new. Sure, she'd noticed a hint of Doritos before, occasionally pork product, microwave popcorn, but pumpkin? Dishes finished, she started sweeping up the kitchen, still pootering in a lady-like way as the need took her, and the scent of pumpkin was definitely there.

This was really weird. Worthy of note, even.

Sweeping the debris from the kitchen floor into a dustpan, she opened the trash bin and to dump it. The trash was full of pumpkin pulp from the three jack-o'-lanterns they had carved the previous day.

It was with a sadness she realized her gas did not smell like pumpkins. The pumpkin smell was just too dominant and disguised the stink that surely existed.

There is no moral to this story or relation to writing.

The end.

November? Already? I think I'm fine with it.

It's November and I'm relaxed. Why? Because I'm not doing NaNoWriMo. I'm not even pretending to be thinking about doing it. In fact, after I post this, I will unsubscribe from all the NaNo emails I get. Wow - freedom.

The deadline for RWA's Golden Heart is coming up and I have decided I will not cram to get Courtly Abandon ready. If it happens, great. If not, oh well. I'll send Courtly Scandals in and I will not be worried or feel like a failure because of x, y, or z. It's just not worth the energy. I will just write what needs to be written.

Courtly Abandon has thrown me for a loop. I thought I knew my characters really well, but I started with Jane as the woman I wanted her to arc into. Where's the growth? What are the stakes? Plus, her sentiments are too modern. It's always been a challenge to create a historical character that a modern woman could understand - but I like doing that. It makes history real and relatable. Now, Jane's too modern, not Elizabethan at all. Le Sigh.

I am starting from the beginning and figuring her out step by step. I have ideas, but I'm worried that changing certain aspects will alter the overall story too much. Then again, if the change is good, who am I to complain?

And I lied -- I'm not really relaxed. On the heels of finishing Hallowe'en costumes and housework. Lesson plans, grading, and setting up a quilting art unit. Chest colds, dance lessons, working out, dead laptop, Christmas looming, first Fèis... no, I'm not relaxed. I am, however, choosing to be at peace about writing. For now.

How's your November starting out?