Virginity continued

This was not the post I originally had planned for today, but after watching the Glee episode about first times, I was inspired to comment.

Sex, when you break it down to basics, a mammalian coupling. It's a basic urge that is necessary for the perpetuation of the species. Being human and so much more advanced than mere animals (I have talked to several young people in my life that did not believe me when I said humans were mammals) we have complicated the issue. A lot. It's not just a matter of urge fulfillment, it has a lot of meaning applied.

I'm not saying sex should not have meaning and we should just go around sans pants and procreate whenever the need strikes. I am saying that it's not just a simple coupling. Even if you want it just to be a simple physical act, it's not. There are two people involved and who knows what's going on in the other person's head. It's complicated.

People counsel young adults to wait until they're emotionally mature enough to deal with the aftermath. If you freak out at the thought that someone may have a memory of you naked and making silly faces, you're not ready. If bodily fluid is disgusting and you don't like to be touched, you're not ready. Why? Because society has created a standard for living that involve cultural norms like personal space and expected levels of hygiene. We do not respond well to natural scents and are so insecure that we are constantly pitting our own image against an unachievable standard of beauty. And, thank you Christianity, we are guilt based. Afterward there is sure to be the worry about having made a mistake.

I repeat - it's complicated.

To do it or not to do it, that is such a big question. Life changing. But only because of the importance we put on it. I wish I could forget that formative first time, but it's there in my memory making me wince. In the romance genre, it's all about that first time being phenomenal. Even when the couple in question were not virgins, they may as well have been because nothing had ever been so earth shattering before. Man - that's a lot of pressure.

In writing about Percy's first time I also made Jane's experience with him so amazing that she realized the times before with other men meant nothing. It's plays into the fantastical idealization of virginity that we embrace.

Thus ends my diatribe on virginity. To be continued, I am sure, sooner than is preferred.

Virginity and You

I think that I should tell you that I am not a virgin. I was a virgin for years, but then I was no longer. My husband is also not a virgin. Our children are genetic proof.

I'm sorry if you're disappointed.

However, my male lead in Courtly Abandon IS a virgin. Or at least, was for about 150 pages. My female lead was not. Although my other female leads have also been non-virginal, they had had a minimal and unimpressive sexual past. My current female character was widowed young and is very earthy. She's enjoyed herself since widowhood.

What I wanted to do (and think I have done) is somewhat of a role reversal. She is a skilled lover who separated emotion from the sexual act. He is an idealist who, though not saving himself for marriage specifically, refused to resign himself to something meaningless. He'd been in love with Jane since adolescence, but never thought he could have her. Since their time together years ago, any other potential liaison seemed tawdry.

Teach Me Tonight touched on male virginity recently. They pointed out that there has been a resurgence of the male virgin. I have read some of the books they discuss and been able to accept the plausibility of the story. Sexual prowess comes from being aware of the other's needs, not just focusing on his own release. Being responsive. It is not unreasonable that a thoughtful and observant virgin might become a great lover quickly, even without the benefit of multiple conquests, time in a harem, whathaveyou.


Inserting myself into the situation, I don't think I would find the male virgin less sexy. In the world of STDs that exist today, it's hard to just accept the guy that has put his penis into countless potentially diseased women. If I fell in love with a male slut, I would demand testing and then would always wonder about his past. With a less experienced man, my insecurities would not be constantly present wondering if he's comparing me to the other women. I might take the his appreciation, his worship of my body, as honest.

Overall I am pleased with Percy's sexy-factor, even as a virgin. I have had alternating responses from my readers (prompting this blog). What are your thoughts on male virginity?

Not Smelling Like a Rose - or a Pumpkin

This person I know was at home alone doing the dishes. It was oddly calming, the house was quiet and cool. Being alone, she decided there was no harm in passing gas occasionally. Dishes almost done, she stood there tooting away and couldn't help but notice that her gaseous emissions smelled strangely of raw pumpkin. That was new. Sure, she'd noticed a hint of Doritos before, occasionally pork product, microwave popcorn, but pumpkin? Dishes finished, she started sweeping up the kitchen, still pootering in a lady-like way as the need took her, and the scent of pumpkin was definitely there.

This was really weird. Worthy of note, even.

Sweeping the debris from the kitchen floor into a dustpan, she opened the trash bin and to dump it. The trash was full of pumpkin pulp from the three jack-o'-lanterns they had carved the previous day.

It was with a sadness she realized her gas did not smell like pumpkins. The pumpkin smell was just too dominant and disguised the stink that surely existed.

There is no moral to this story or relation to writing.

The end.

November? Already? I think I'm fine with it.

It's November and I'm relaxed. Why? Because I'm not doing NaNoWriMo. I'm not even pretending to be thinking about doing it. In fact, after I post this, I will unsubscribe from all the NaNo emails I get. Wow - freedom.

The deadline for RWA's Golden Heart is coming up and I have decided I will not cram to get Courtly Abandon ready. If it happens, great. If not, oh well. I'll send Courtly Scandals in and I will not be worried or feel like a failure because of x, y, or z. It's just not worth the energy. I will just write what needs to be written.

Courtly Abandon has thrown me for a loop. I thought I knew my characters really well, but I started with Jane as the woman I wanted her to arc into. Where's the growth? What are the stakes? Plus, her sentiments are too modern. It's always been a challenge to create a historical character that a modern woman could understand - but I like doing that. It makes history real and relatable. Now, Jane's too modern, not Elizabethan at all. Le Sigh.

I am starting from the beginning and figuring her out step by step. I have ideas, but I'm worried that changing certain aspects will alter the overall story too much. Then again, if the change is good, who am I to complain?

And I lied -- I'm not really relaxed. On the heels of finishing Hallowe'en costumes and housework. Lesson plans, grading, and setting up a quilting art unit. Chest colds, dance lessons, working out, dead laptop, Christmas looming, first Fèis... no, I'm not relaxed. I am, however, choosing to be at peace about writing. For now.

How's your November starting out?

Outside of My Box

The other day whilst catching up on blogs, I came across the fact that Blizzard was having a writing contest. Deadline - October 15th. So, what did I do yesterday? I channelled my inner nerd.

What is Blizzard? It is a gaming company that produces Diablo, Starcraft, and World of Warcraft. I've played WoW for about four years now and I'm not ashamed. I have considered other games, but frankly there are not enough hours in a day. Avadonja wrote that she was going to participate in this contest. Her big concern was how to write fan fiction and keep it clean. My big concern was how to write fan fiction in general.

Well, I did it. I'm more or less happy with the end result. It's just a short story - 3k words. I like to think I inserted my sense of humor appropriately. It was hard not to add romantic elements but I held back as much as I could. Short and sweet. Of course it's absolutely nothing like the past winning submissions (available here) but it made me smile and didn't take itself too seriously.

If you would like to spend a few minutes of your life reading my submission, click below. Be warned, you will never be able to get those minutes back or erase the memory of reading entirely from your subconscious mind.

*Of course, now that the story is submitted, I realize I got my main character's name wrong. I wrote Kristen, and it's actually Kristin. That and Topper is bare foot.  /Sigh

Holding Hands

I am a big fan of Beatles music. In general, I prefer the more psychedelic stuff over their earlier C major, happy music but recently I have been loving Kurt’s rendition of “I Want to Hold Your Hand” from Glee in 3-D. A song I have always viewed as shallow took on a new meaning – a longing for a physical connection. A simple touch, a shared sensation. The ramifications could mean nothing or everything, and sometimes it seems worth almost anything to find out. Touch takes knowing someone to a different level.

I just finished (devoured, really) Hearts in Darkness by Laura Kaye. Two people who had barely glimpsed each other are stuck in a pitch dark elevator. All he saw was her long red hair as she rushed for the elevator. All she remembered seeing of him was the tattoo on his hand. Complete strangers, they end up finding that elusive connection – first through honest sharing, then through touch. I really responded to the way they had the need to reach out. They could not see, but the way his stubble felt beneath her fingers, the way her fingers traced paths of heat against his skin, his scars, was both emotionally moving and sensual. It's like they were learning each other. The heightened sensation of touch along with their whispered truths felt so much more intimate, and more erotic, than the simple actions would have been in any other scenario. I highly recommend this book.

Every romance is centered around that connection.  As the world we are in becomes more and more anonymous, faceless, true connection to other people becomes precious. Maybe this is why I enjoy reading and writing romance so much - it glorifies something I find lacking in the real world. Life is too busy to stop and treasure a simple touch.

Maybe holding someone's hand should be something sing about, to long for.

Scent and Your Senses

Last year I bought a tube of different flavored lip-balms for my daughters. There were five in total, so each girl got two and I kept one. The minute I opened that orange chap stick, the scent brought me back 20 some years to fall finals during my freshman year in high school. The sensory memory was sharp. Distinct. I remembered performing a scene from Bitches with my good friend Jessica. I remembered running through the misty rain for the bus, the way my wool skirt that I'd worn as  part of my Bitches costume smelled as it dried. Every little detail, all from the scent of orange chap stick.

Scent is part of how we experience our world and it's something I try not to underplay in my writing. Not all scents deserve to be described, but fresh mowed grass or crisp air after the rain go a long way to adding depth to a spring day. Wood fire smoke, cinnamon, and apple cider helps paint a picture of a cozy autumn night. I tend to overuse the scent of leather and brandy when describing a man. When I write a garden scene, I research what plants grew in that part England 500 years ago, when they were in season, and what time of day their perfume was at its strongest.

Scents can also tell the emotional story or help with character development. Regardless of the food itself, when a meal is a positive experience for the character, the courses smell delicious,  full of sweet and savory spices that make the mouth water. When a negative experience, the sickly sweet scents can turn the stomach, the mixture of odors might assault the senses. In a love scene, the leading man might be smell musky, masculine whereas the villain would be rank, his body odor foul. Use of scent does not just flesh out the environment, it can tell the story.


Do you pay attention to scent while setting your scene?