tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3937582163976319064.post3975093638603790988..comments2023-09-08T09:05:26.912-07:00Comments on Erin Kane Spock: Hook, Line, and Sinker: Take TwoErin Kane Spockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05376851676240606472noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3937582163976319064.post-3409988827067642962012-03-05T21:00:10.146-08:002012-03-05T21:00:10.146-08:00The very fist sentence didn't grab me, possibl...The very fist sentence didn't grab me, possibly because I have no clue what a farthingale could be. Other than that it was an amazing story line. Well written and interesting. This one made me want to keep reading.Karyn Reedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13011196582149710417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3937582163976319064.post-68819131669896809932012-03-03T14:09:44.977-08:002012-03-03T14:09:44.977-08:00Thank you for your comments. The passive language ...Thank you for your comments. The passive language is something I struggle with -- especially writing in past perfect. I did a search and came up with 14 'was.'Erin Kane Spockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05376851676240606472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3937582163976319064.post-5455025372591813912012-02-27T12:53:11.899-08:002012-02-27T12:53:11.899-08:00This is well-written, in my opinion, with nice det...This is well-written, in my opinion, with nice detail, and I enjoyed it. However, I fear more than a few people will tell you it's a little too passive. <br />It's almost there, so please don't discard it altogether. The setting is very nice, but it seems two-dimensional. <br />Some people might say it's too much telling and an 'info dump', yet I wouldn't say that's the case. Specifically, I think you only need to re-examine some of the verbs. Take another look at this piece and see how many verbs where it's possible to eliminate "to be" and "to have". That might be all you need. <br />The hook is here, but it's just pale. All it needs is a tiny bit more "colour on your brush".Celeste Neumannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06121686507934885254noreply@blogger.com